Parenting skills

Being that I'm not a parent yet, I would like some input from those of you that are. Anytime someone on WW post about their kids learning to wakeboard, I get so excited for them because I too share the same enthusiasm when I see my little cousin wakeboard and learn new tricks. That brings me to why I'm posting here.
My cousin is 7yrs old and this is her 3rd season to wakeboard. She is INT's Mini Outlaw State Champ. All summer while she is "training", her parents are yelling at her to try new tricks and then scoll her when she fails to learn the trick. Since I'm not a parent, I feel as if I'm in no position to tell someone how to raise their kids. But, the other day while riding, one parent yells "GET IN THE BOAT! You are not doing anything right! You are wasting gas!". Once we finished riding and were in the parking lot unloading the boat, I heard the comment,"You dont deserve to go to Nationals in CA if you keep riding like that." IMO that was sorry as hell to tell a kid.
Im affraid that if the parents keep on treating her the way that they do about her wakeboarding, the kid will finally just give up. She's only 7. LET HER HAVE FUN. She is a kid first and a competitor second. Oh, to top if off, the parents are trying to teach and make her do tricks that the parents can't do and they have been riding for a long time.
Now, how do I approach the parents about my concerns? Sorry for being so long.
Thanks

it's none of your business.

IT is unfortunatly, there are a lot of parents that push their kids too hard in sports, not just wakeboarding. I coach LL Baseball and soccer and I see all kinds of stuff that should not go on with the parents. Some actually think that their kids are their retirement future, its so sad....Anyway to get back to your question, in my experience, nothing you say will make any difference. The best thing you can do is distance yourself from the situation, and if the parents ask why you dont come out any more, be honest with them that activites like wakeboarding, baseball, soccer, etc. should be fun and the pressure that they are putting on their daughter is making you uncomfortable. That way you are not telling them how to raise thier kid.

What will eventually happen is that the kid will get "burnt out" on the sport and want to have nothing to do with it after a while. It's a shame that some parents try to live their athletic lives through their children....

Yup Umali is right, though you want to say something it isn't your place. Trust me I would love to tell some of my aunt's and uncle's how to raise there kids, but it is not my job. Tough situation to be in but rather than talking to the parents, be a positive attitude and motivator for your cousin.

I agree with Joe, its none of your business, but that dosent mean I agree with what they are saying to her, but its none of my business as well.

I think that that happens alot. Parents are wanting the best for their kids and push them a little to hard. I find myself thinking the same things that they are saying, but try to keep it in the boat. My daughters both ride INT and last year my 16 year old finished 6th in the country. My 10 year old is this years state champion and will be going to Bakersfield. My 16 year old tore her ACL this year and that kind of puts things into perspective.
We all want the best for our kids and some need to be motivated to do their best. The frustrating thing is at 7 years old the poor kid doesn't understand some of the things that are said are said out of frustration. I have had conversations with my little one when she is not trying to learn tricks that she needs to be competitive. I have told her that she should not be competing for me, but for her and if she did not want to compete we could do this for fun and fun only. NO WAY, I want to compete! was response. Since then motivation has not been an issue. Every kid is different, but I doubt that yelling is going to motivate.
By the way, You do not have to know how to do these tricks in order to teach a child how to do them. That comes latter when they are going upsidedown.

this is kinda like the powerturner thread, should i or shouldnt i.

It's just horrible to see that. The worst part is that it's not uncommon to see.

I agree with Byrd. That kind of "training" is a recipe for teaching a child to hate the sport. It's just a matter of time before that kid bails out.

Unfortunately, there isn't a whole lot you can do about it. A lot depends on how close you are to the parents. I think in most cases you just have to bite your tongue and let them learn the hard way. I can only think of one person I know that I would feel comfortable calling out on something like this. We're close enough that he would either sit and listen or tell me to pound sand with extreme prejudice and we'd still be good either way. Anyone else I think I'd probably just try to avoid the situation.

It crushes me when I ask my kids if they want to wakeboard and they say, "Can we tube instead?" But the last thing I'm going to do is force them to wakeboard. I tell them to get their vest on and let's rock that tube!!

Sorry to all that think it is none of his business, he is family and while he has no right to tell them how to RAISE their kids he has EVERY right to stick up for his 7 year old cousin when she is being beaten down by their parents.

If you want to do right by your little cousin TALK to your brother or sister about it. Let them know the devestated look on her face when they say those things. Tell them that syou notice that she gets really upset at it.

Let your voice be heard. Acting like that to a 7 year old WILL and I repeat WILL affect that child and who they become when they get older.

It is not your responsibility to parent their child or tell them how to parent BUT you owe it to your cousin to talk to the parents about it. Maybe they don't realize that they are as hard on her as they really are...

I'll take the opposite stance and say it is your business, FAMILY BUSINESS.

Why not ask them how they think that totally degrading a 7 yr old doing the thing she loves is gonna motivate her to be better. Seriously. Kid's have a very fragile sense of self worth. Stuff like that is simply abusive and can put a wrench in the works for them, maybe even a permenant scar that screws up their confidence in all aspects of life.

Those saying it's none of their business, well I call BS on that. Seriously, if everyone on these forums got yanked out of the water for wasting gas on a lame morning or set, 10% would still be wakeboarding.

There are a million ways to motivate a kid and just like us, they will have their off days. Do they discuss things that your cousin should learn and how to perform them?? Or do they just make her feel like an unworthy piece of garbage after a sub-par day??

There is a fine line between motivation and abuse. I have walked it too. Currently the 8 yr old just likes to hang on and stay in the middle. So we rib him about it. I would never ever consider limiting his time on the rope or scolding him for it. Luckily his 6 yr old brother is charging and cutting all over the place. But I am cool if all he ever does is go in a straight line, as long as the fun is there.

You can easily ask them if there is a better way to motivate her or help her learn the tricks. Instead she spends the whole ride home feeling awful, hating her parents, and questioning her self worth after they say nasty things to her. Childhoods should be full of happiness and good times and challenges that meet with reward for accomplishment and encouragement for failure.

Maybe that sounds dumb, but I have a seriously hard time seeing that kind of thing. Wakeboarding is a priveledge and a joy, not a demonstration of how to belittle your child.

Make an excuse (need a spotter, etc.) to take her out boarding without her parents being along. A lot of kids do better without their parents being there due to the lack of pressure. She would probably like the occasional "just for fun" session.

I've been that kid when it comes to hockey. After every game I used to ask "How'd I do dad?" and he'd tell me everything I did wrong, there weren't too many days if there are any I can think of where I did better than "alright but"

One day I told him "EVERYTIME I ASK YOU HOW I DID ALL YOU DO IS TELL ME EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG NEVER ANYTHING I'VE DONE RIGHT! WHY DO I EVEN ASK YOU HOW I DID?" his response was to not talk to me after hockey games.

Sure kids want to know what they're doing wrong so they can improve upon it but in the same breath they want to have support knowing what they're doing right. They aren't little nazi's. They're wonderful little people that we directly influence into becoming wonderful or otherwise. I understand parents want the best for their children but we have to remember they are only children.

I think you could try and talk to her parents at a time they have calmed down and maybe bring up specific things they've said and how you don't feel that it's appropriate to their childs development of love for the sport. Remember to not tell them how to raise their children but give them pause to think about how they are acting towards them. Often times they don't stop to consider exactly what they say or how it looks as they too are caught up in the emotion. You might have to be prepared for some backlash here if they feel you're telling them what to do.

I would also suggest talking to your cousin one on one. Be supportive to them, tell them not to worry so much about the "mean" things her parents say and focus on her development as a positve. Tell her what she's doing right/good and help her with things she needs to improve upon. It's not a case of "you did this good but" rather a "lets try this next time out and see how you do! you're doing awesome! lets keep it up!"

You know your cousin, each child needs to be pushed in slightly different ways, work with her and between fun and development you can impact how she develops in the sport and as a person.

I've witnessed this same thing for YEARS around MX. The best response to that behavior I ever saw, was when a kid wasn't doing a particular big jump, and his Dad acted like a complete jerk during his race. The incident continued in the pits, with the kid sitting in a chair, dejected and being verbally abused by Dad. After a few minutes..the kid went and took his bike off the stand and said, "Here Dad....SHOW ME!"

Tell your cousin to pull off her board and hand it to her parents and say politely, "I'm doing the best I can. Not sure what you mean....SHOW ME!"....Please, please pleeeeeaase!!!

I am a father of three young boys that compete both in INT and WWA. We travel all over to go to competitions throughout California and the National competitions. This is a sport that they have chosen to particpate at a competitive level. Make no bones about it, in order to compete at a high level you must practice many, many, many hours. Every sport has coaches, including wakeboarding. I fly my kids to Florida and they attend various camps and get individual instruction on a regular basis. This is not cheap, the reason I do it is becasue I am not a wakeboard coach, just a father who wants the best for his kids. Do I push them? Sometimes. Do I make them do things they don't want to do? Sometimes. Do I ever degrade them or demoralize them? NEVER, NEVER, NEVER. It is OK to push your kids or should I say encourage them through positive action. Just my opinion from a father with competitive kids.

Newbie: Joe is right, it is not your business. Beware it could destroy a relationship!!!

The "its none of your business is such load of crap" when it comes to kids especially when its a family member. I think the best way to handle this situation is to bring a voice recorder secretly record the verbal tirade and then play it back to them in the car. The parents probably doesnt know how they sound. Im sure they just want whats best for there child and wants them to give it there all and who wouldntwant that. I just think the message is being lost in translation

It's mini outlaw, what could they be getting so mad at because she didnt wave to the judge? Someone needs to set these parents straight... If this my brother or sister I would have no problem telling them to get a grip. I have two kids and they both love to ride. If I push them like that they wouldnt ride.

I'm so excited to see my 14 y/o daughter riding I don't care! We're converted skiers so it's a big change in thinking at the end of the rope. But we're having fun. If she doesn't want to go out, I go instead. IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE FUN! My 10 y/o could care less about going behind the boat. I'd love to see her try because she'd get right up and go. She will when she's ready. No pressure from me. The gear is available any time. IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE FUN! Right, I already said that. Maybe it's different in CA/FL/AZ than NH. You guys have much longer seasons and the sport is much bigger there than here. Family is one thing when it comes to constructive parenting feedback; strangers you saw on the lake is completely different.

tory, i'm willing to bet there are parents like the one described above in nh.

I don't know about that Rios. That could turn a bad situation into something worse.

The only question I would ask is what are the parents looking for in their children. Do they want what's best for their kids are what's best for them. Kind of living through their kids so to speak. I've Seen it a million times, football,baseball,etc. both playing and coaching. If they are keeping dreams alive through their children, no talking is going to help. I have been in this position not only with Family but friends as well and like Chuck said, the relationships have never been the same. I am the " He thinks he knows what's best for my child" guy, when in acuality I only "want" whats best for the kids. Bringing this up could have bad consequences.

Probably right. I just haven't seen/heard them. Maybe I'm not cut from the same type A cloth that other parents/coaches are. At that age Fun should come first. IMHO.

There is a fine line to walk as far as pushing and support when it comes to sports. Ive often watched parents be hard on kids in sports and thought it was terrible. However, at the same time, I wish my parents would have been more aggressive with me in regards to sports. My parents werent interested in sports, but they gave me the opportunity to play whatever I wanted. The problem was, I didnt know what I wanted\needed. I was given everything I asked for, but I didnt know what to ask! My parents praised my performance after every game win or lose, but I knew they had no idea if what I did was really good or not (accept for scoring and such). They were not knowledgable enough in the finer aspects of the sports to know when I was reaching milestones, or doing things that were outstanding.

Athletic success is one of the most rewarding things Ive ever been a part of. I often wonder how much more sweet it would have been if I would have been better due to a parent who was more than incouraging, but understanding, pushing, and intensely involved in helping me achieve my goals, even when I wasnt at a maturity level to be able to be self motivated. I look at the people who motivated me to be the best I could be, and they are all coaches who grabbed my facemask and yelled at the top of their lungs (with little pieces of tobacco hitting me in the face). They were coaches who told me that they didnt care how many dunks I had, that I wasnt playing because my defense STINKS!

I dont know, maybe we should ask Tiger....

I had an awesome dad that was always supportive but grew up with my cousin (next door neighbor and same age) and his dad was very negative about everything he did. He was always a better athlete than me but if he had his way he would rather play video games where as I would be outside playing basketball. I think it is because playing video games was something that his dad could not "coach" him at.
I dont know about your situation but in my cousins I felt that it was not my position to tell his dad how to raise him. The thing that I would do is to try to be as positive and make it as fun as you can for her.

1) Although difficult to watch, it is an equally tough choice whether you want to make this your business. If you choose to get involved, that's your choice. You may help at some levels, but there will be ramifications in other areas, and they may be serious and lasting, so beware.

2) If it's not fun for the child, she will not go on to have a successful wakeboarding career. She will burn out, or worse, she will get injured by her parents pushing her too hard to do something she is not feeling on her own. In any case, if this keeps up, she won't last in the sport. Two words: Charity Merriman.

3) If this is their general parenting style, there will be larger problems as time goes on that extend well beyond the scope of wakeboarding.

4) Many, many, many kids are abused much worse than this, verbally, psychologically, physically. It doesn't make it OK in your situation, but keeping it in perspective, at least she gets to spend time with her parents on the water and gets to participate in a fun sport.

5) If the parents ever wise up (which they might not), they should pursue some counseling, parenting classes, or both. This is about parenting, but it also is very much about psychological issues in the parent or parents.

6) Try to be a positive role model for the parents in the way they interact with others/their kid. one strategy might be for you to go take a lesson from a pro (alone), discuss this situation with the pro, and then next time you're out on the boat with the family and the kid, you could provide input as coming from the coach. "You know, I was so interested to hear this, but (said coach) was telling me that talking to a young athlete in that manner actually is counterproductive, instead, he suggested doing this, this, and this." (General basic principal of psychology, it will NEVER work simply tell somebody to stop doing something without telling or showing them what they should be doing instead. They need to understand the preferred alternate behavior and practice it... and even if you tell them or show them, they still most likely will keep on doing what they were doing before). Anyway, if you choose this approach, it might feel to them less like you are criticizing them as parents or trying to meddle or boss them around, but instead you are simply sharing with them some "inside information" that you obtained from an expert.

Good luck, it's a tough situation.

If all else fails, call Dr. Phil. He loves this kind of crap.

I would like to say you are the majority of parents Tory because your attitude is right on. Instead I get hammered by family members demanding I teach their 10 year old how to throw a curveball because he is already in the Cubs starting rotation.

First of all I would buy my Uncle the book "What a Difference a Daddy Makes...The Indelibe Imprint a Dad Leaves on His Daughter's Lif" By Dr. Kevin Leman...and I would suggest any Dads here read it too.

The I would ask my uncle if we could have a heart to heart talk. You know him better than we do, and you know if he could sit down and talk to you. Tell him I know your doing the best at being a parent as you can, and I am not saying that I know how to parent better than you. But it seems like your kinda rough on cousin when it comes to her training for wakeboarding..she is only seven..and you take it from there. Do NOT do it while he is heated and at the lake, try to talk to him win a calm casual time.


My daughter does Gymnastics and she won the State Championships for her age/level at age 8, my wife and I let her know when she is jacking around at Gymnastics that this is costing us alot of money, and that if she is not interested in doing it, or not interested in practicing as much as she does now that is fine just make use of the time she has with the coaches. She really loves it and we are happy with her results 1st or last place. Never have we pushed her and gotten mad because she isnt "doing it right" but it is tough because you want your kids to succeed and sometimes the old "Coach" starts to come out and you have to temper that down.


I agree with Foxrep...I see it the MOST in MX, it is CRAZY how some of these Fathers yell at these kids racing..absolutly NUTS!

I have a 9 year old son who rides wake, snowboards, skateboards, and dirt bikes and plays soccer, baseball, and I coach him in basketball. I'll encourage him to try new things and push harder...but never in a harsh tone! He's not the most gifted athlete, but neither am I, so if I can't do it...I surely don't expect him to! I am proud of him for being so well-rounded and being a straight A student, and an overall GREAT kid more so that I'd be if he could do a back roll!

It's "come on son, you can do this thing dude" while smiling! Not yelling "get in the boat, you're wasting gas, etc"

Newbie.....If your cousin this thread is about won't tell her parents to show her how it's done....maybe you saying it won't be over-stepping your bounds! Say, "man I don't think she's getting it. You strap in and grab the handle and show her what's up...then she'll see it and know!" When they say "I can't"....say, "maybe you should get her a coach that can effectively communicate to her what she needs to do then, because I can't show her either." Also...after they're done with their tirades....give her some high-fives right in front of them and tell her she's awesome! Maybe them seeing you giving a positive vibe to her will make them realize.

IMO I do not think parents should be coaches. If she is really serious they need to find her a coach that will push her. So that the parents can be supportive and on her side.

then they'll say something like, "you're not listening or doing what the coach says!"

Joe, you hit on it. It has to do with the make-up of the parent. It seems we all "get it" here. Even with the right non-relative coach, that type of parent will keep on harping on the kids. Maybe it works for some people. I hate witnessing it. My daughter took a horrible face plant 2 weeks ago. Came up crying. I gave her big kudos for doing the best she could. Get back out there when you're ready. No hug though, I was still dry!

This is my kid and the only trick he's mastered....the FS boardslide. He's trying W2W now, but if this is the only trick he'll ever get down....I am one proud Dad! He's cute, cool, can ride ANYTHING including horses and can pull chicks like you wouldn't believe!

You might as well stay the hell out of it because no good will come from You calling out the parent no matter how diplomatic You are.

I've been around that kind of BS when My Son was playing Football and Baseball and felt really bad for the kids but knew I might as well keep My mouth shut because like Joe said it isn't your business and it won't help any ways.

I've also seen it on the boat before and My way of dealing with that is not to go boarding with people like that.

One valuable peice of advice I recently realized (got married 3 months ago) is that attacking the problem not the person is the key. Followed by instructions on how to fix it.
It is not
You suck because you can not do a 1080 at age 7.
but
Your 1080 seems to be a little under roated. I think if you try to spin 3 more rotations and spot your landing you will have it.

Wow, that sounds a lot like my 1080!

This thread makes me really sad for these little kids. I have seen this at some of the competitions I have been to. It KILLS the idea of the sport.

I can honestly say that I come from a situation where I have been "encouraged" to try new things. In seventh grade, I was "encouraged" by my Dad to try out for football. All I wanted to do was play video games at the time. It changed my high school career to be a part of something like that, and because of it, I will always appreciate his encouragement. In the same vein, my dad encouraged me to try skiing, then wakeboarding when I was 10, behind our 1969 Arrowglass. Every now and then he had to give me a little push here and there to get out and "enjoy the fresh air", but I think that without that help, I never would be where I am in the sport right now. I can say, however, that it takes a LOT less encouragement to go out and ride behind the V-Drive than the outboard! clipart{proud} I am not even good at it, but I enjoy it more than anything.

Just trying to show that there are two sides to everything. Positive reinforcements and a little encouragement go a long way. Verbal abuse goes a long way too, just in the wrong direction.

Since it is family you have an obligation to make sure that you do what is best for the family. since the parents are not coaching their kid correctly. You should punch them in the neck and tell them they had better become better coaches and that they do not deserve to be a coach performing at the level they are. If they get back up pissed off, punch them in the other side of the neck and tell them you are just doing whats best for the family and you need to bring the highest level of performance out of the child and that starts with the coach.

It is your buisiness

would that kid be that good of a rider at age 7 if her parents didn't care? my parents were hard on me for sports, and it sucked at the time, but lookin back, if it weren't for them, i wouldn't have tried at all and had nothing but memories of being a loser. sometimes tough loving is necessary so that your kids can be better then everyone elses. and lets face it, winning is more fun then losing. if the kid didn't compete, then yeah, they should back off. you might think you're doing the kid a favor by sticking up for her, but i'd watch my step if i were you.

Lance - there is a line between pushing your kids to meet their ability and degrating your kid. And more so at the age of 7yrs old. Kids are very fragile and parents need to understand that. At 7 years old, is it really what is best for the kid or is it more about the parents.

Lance that's why I love wakeboarding... I just competed at canadian nationals and I came almost dead last, all I heard from everyone was "good ride/good job" everyone is a winner in this sport as long as they come out and try. It's the same reason we cheer for every person that does something new, be it getting up, w2w, or a new/first vert. It's part of the reason I love wakeboarding vs other board sports ike snowboarding.

I like the way Pat thinks. There ARE no bad students, just bad COACHES...

There is a difference between giving a kid a nudge, pushing them a bit, and being an abusive parent who is trying to live vicariously through their child.

I coach LL and see these sh|tty parents all too often.

If I had a friend, let alone a relative, abusing a seven year old like that, I would say something.

For the sake of the child.

"if you're not first, you're last"

definetly a touchy subject with a lot of varying but still valid input. glad i haven't had to deal with it much yet.

What a great thread! Interesting to hear the different perspective on a tough topic. I believe that it is his (newbie) business. The question is - How do you communicate that?
There are lots of different ways (as expressed) to dealing with it - but it IS a very touchy subject and you definately run the risk of alienating the parents - which is worse?I think there were several constructive approaches...

I have had reasonable success raising 3 boys - each of which has their own strengths - and I would like to believe I did nothing but encourage (even when they failed). I got this philosophy many years ago from a Walt Disney artist whose goal in life was to teach kids how to draw. He was GREAT! But he rarely would correct. He would only point out what they did well in each situation . He told me "the kids will figure out what they are doing wrong. Just encourage them." Kids (and adults) only want one thing: to succeed at something.
Hey - Shaun got third this weekend at nationals - and in spite of the fact that he has won 1st place in a ton of events over 11 years - we thought that was the greatest thing since sliced bread. Some parents take sports too seriously....
On the other hand - have you ever tried to tell a friend or relative about what his dog is doing wrong?? forgedabodid!!!!

Chuck P, comments are pretty right on. I know the family very well and have watched the boys progress over the years. The thing that Chuck & Linda have learned and mastered over the years (and it's a fine line) is when to push and when to back off. At 7 years old it should be about having fun. As a father of a wakeboarder who started at age 7 and is now 16 and riding on the Jr. men's pro tour, I have made my share of mistakes when coaching him in his younger years, I remember the day I finally figured it out, he was 12 and training for INT nationals and running his 12 trick pass over and over for weeks, on his last set before we were leaving he asked if he could just free ride and just play. He did and went bigger, rode forever and had a smile on his face that I still can see today. As he got back in the boat he said, thanks dad, that was the most fun I ever had wakeboarding. Message received.

My son quit wakeboardiing for a year because he wanted to skate board and ride bicycles. Although I missed having him with us, I didn't force him. This year he is back in the boat of his own choice and trying new tricks and having fun. We get enough pressure to succeed and push when we are adults, let the kids play. Besides, if it is fun they will get progressivly better, when it stops being fun and starts being work, then why do it. WE ALL STARTED WAKEBOARDING BECAUSE IT LOOKED LIKE FUN!!!

Randy- Right on! At least by your actions your son still liked riding enough to continue. But with the verbal abuse that Newbie's cousin is receiving-especially if it's on a regular basis- she won't make it to 12, let alone 16 yrs. old wanting to ride competitively or even recreationally.

Newbie- are you close in age to your cousin or your Uncle/Aunt? If you are younger and you don't want to intervene for your cousin, maybe you can get another family member (your parent) to go with you to help you out (if they have witnessed the parent's behavior as well). If older, I'd take the initiative to say something, anything to draw the parents attention to their behavior....

We have a three fall rule. If you fall three times in a row learning a new trick you have to swim home. We give a break to the little tykes under 10, they get 4 falls. They have quit wakeboarding but each one won the state swim meet.

"Newbie: Joe is right, it is not your business. Beware it could destroy a relationship!!!"


If sitting down and talking to a family memeber about an issue will destroy a relationship, is that really a relationship worth having?

Better to destroy the relationship and hopefully put a bug in your uncles head and he makes a change...then to NOT say anything and let the parents ruin the little girl!

"it's not your business" ?? That's a cowardly way of hiding from family responsibilities imo. If it's some strangers kid, so be it, it really isn't any of your business. However you should always be man enough to speak up when it's your own family. I for one wouldn't hesitate to tell my cousins parents off if they'd behaved in suck a moronic way. No disrespect to anyone tho, just my honest opinion.

Lloyd,

If you ever write a book like "How to raise a Pro Wakeboarder"

I'll buy it!

Randy,

Chris finally made it into the top 12 so I guess we'll see you down south later this year. If you can make it for an extra day or 2 you're welcome to stay here on your way down or during. We're about 3 hours away from Bakersfield.

As far as the OP goes I've tried everything over the last 10 years to make my kid learn new stuff: bribes, verbal abuse, threats, starvation, isolation, water torture . . . . . . he has always been too stubborn to listen to me and now that he's got the college degree he's too damn smart to as well!

Rich - Hmmm.. a book... That would be something..... But.... It would probably be titled "How a pro-wakeboarder raised a dad." I've learned lots from each of my boys.
When I was 21 (single) I thought I knew everything about raising kids. When I had my first, I realized there were a few things I didn't know. By the time we had our 3rd, I realized I didn't know anything.

Rich, congrats to Chris for us, the westside should be well represented I think we have 7 of the top 12. What was his score?

If the daughter is that good, get her a coach. I can only speak about my daughter and the experience with her. My daughter broke her leg last year in August doing a w2w 180. When she got back a few months later, she was terrified to do the trick again. It so happened that she was chosen to attend the Jr. Dev Clinic last Nov with Mike Ferraro. When she went Mike ask what I wanted her to learn, and my reply was for her to get confident doing the 180s again. We went out and she didn't want to do them. So Mike starts talking to her and says "were gonna play a game" and her ears perked up like a dog. She heard game and it instantly became fun again. He had her doing drills that would help her with the landings. Afterwards he ask do you know what we did today? No. We worked on your 180's. She was quite confused at how she could be doing 180s when she never rotated her board. At this age they have a 7 year head start on the competition. If this girl stays in it, by the time she is 14 what will she be doing? Taylor is now doing TS front rolls at just now age 8. Her coach has told her how to do the trick on the water and Taylor knows how to do it. But it was 4 months of attempts with dad and we still werent doing it right. Finally her gym/wakeboard coach went on the water with her and in 3 attempts with him, she was doing what I had been telling her for months. Taylor has won 2 consective National Championships the past two years. Honestly Taylor gets excited when it happens, but 5 minutes later she is off playing with the other kids and could care less. So what if the cousin doesn't win Nationals this year. If the parents keep it fun for her and keep her in the sport, SHE WILL.If this cousin stays in the sport, she will have so many memories and opportunities by the time she is 14. But if the parents continue to push, THEIR dream will go out the window.

I guess my point is that as we probably didn't listen to our parents, our kids wont listen to us. Get them with someone they trust & like and most of all keep it fun for them or 7 years from now they will HATE wakeboarding!!!!
Scott

(Message edited by LFTaylor on September 02, 2006)

I read most of the replies... different points of view... I think it is your business, but maybe you shouldnt correct her parents. There was an article on August issue of WBM (i think) about kids who were pro (Adam Errington, Phillip Soven and one other kid I cant remember) and it had something about that. And also the editor said something very true. Read it, show it to your aunt and uncle. Hopefully theyll get the hint. And when you go out with them, tell your cousin to have fun, that shes doing things well, try to keep her spirits high!

I know lots of parents that do this and it just hurts me to think that they'll probably make their kids retire from the sport (as some alrady have)

I would not worry about national championships at that age. If it happens cool. I remember last year some dad put this little girl in the pro women division. It was horrifying. Poor kid did not belong there and it really irked the tour riders and others. Made a mockery of women riding. The riders were cool to her because it wasn't her fault. But they didn't like it. It was like soccer dad gone mad. I don't know who the kid was but I hope she still rides. Dads and moms need to know when to push and when not to. It makes it hard on the kids to be accepted.

I know part of Sovens and challenge and Trevor Hansons was that it seemed like their dad's were in the middle of it. It hurt the kids with the judges and the wb community. I think they both have mellowed and don't jump into the middle of it anymore.

You can't say anything to the parents, however, do not be afraid to excessively praise her. As soon as she comes in the boat, say nice job, etc.... Be sure to sit down and talk to her one on one, to make sure that she is doing ok with all of this.

Roger- I know the two girls you are speaking of and your statement is totally incorrect. The girls dads did not force them to do it. Were they competitive no, but it just might have helped open the door for other women to get involved in our sport. These girls both did it for FUN. Neither of their parents put ANY pressure on the girls. As far as the other riders not accepting it I disagree about that also. I have seen both of these girls ride since, and many of the pro's know them and actually hang out with them at the events. I do agree with other posts about pushing them too much. But these two families are the nicest you will meet and do not push their kid into anything as you claimed.

http://www.liquidforcemaven.com/team_tori.htm

OK, may be so except I was there and I heard what the riders said. They aren't going to shun them- they are little girls.

This is PROFESSIONAL wakeboard. There are venues such as Hyperlite' kid ride and others for that sort of thing. It would be different if they were riding as fun but not as a competitors. How would you like a couple of elementary school kids to come to your work and actually did your work. What would that say about your job? If they were actually good enough such as Froggy was that would be different but they hardly could jump the wake. I am a fan of women riders and I want to see young girls ride and I want to see the women's tour grow but that was just a shamockery.

Roger- I see it from the girls point. The year before they didn't even field the twenty rider cutoff. I think most of the big names actually accepted them. Just think back when you were 8 or 10 and if you could have played in a basketball game with Micheal Jordan. I don't think they did it as a mockery and actually, these girls were both coached by Lauren Harf and she encouraged them to enter. For these girls, it was an experience of a life time for them and im sure opened the door for them possibly even for Maven. Everyone is entitled to there opinion, and I think if you actually looked at it from a different view, you may see their point in doing it. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I'm not trying to force it upon you however, I think you might look differently at it if you looked deeper.

I say you go out there withthe family and when any of them rides, parent, kids whatever, just shout at them and tell them how embarassed you are to be in the same boat. Call the dad a "puss" for not trying tricks, call the mom "an old washed up trick skier" and tell the daughter that she should "switch to shopping cuz she sucks at whatever shes trying". This way you seem like a big a-hole and everyone focuses on hating you and they leave the kid alone. Once they get sick of it just tell them that since riding with them you've learned one thing, how to berate those you love, for their own sake. Then piss on their trailer tires and throw the dog in the water.

heavy-LMFAO

i take the side of "family business is everybody's business in the family".

Hmm after reading the first few posts I skipped the rest so some of what I have to say may already be posted. ANyways I must say that saying "it's none of your business" is definitely the wrong approach. Just because parents bring a kid into the world, they aren't the property of that parent. Sure those parents are the ones with the responsibility of raising the child, but that doesn't mean that messing up their mentality is acceptable. So here is the stance I take: directly intervening (as in approaching the parents and laying out how you feel) would be the wrong approach; ignoring the situation would be the wrong approach as well. As Adam mentioned, you should be a positive influence for your cousin. Keep motivating and supporting her and hopefully exposing the fun aspects of the sport.

Another thing you can try is when they berate her and negatively influence her, maybe mention that such comments probably won't help to motivate her.At any rate, this is a tricky situation for someone to be in and best of luck to you in dealing with it.

Jim- I don't want to come down on the girls. I don't blame them. We were talking about pushing kids too hard and such. I just think it would have been better for the girls and the sport to keep them in their appropriate division until they are ready. They were a ton of better riders that didn't enter. Look at the Jr Women that didn't because they respect the sport enough to have waited until they could compete. Heather Johnson comes to mind. She could have entered that year and rode half way decent but knew she wasn't at the pro level yet.

Playing ball with MJ? Would have loved it. But I never would have asked to play in a Bulls regular season game. R.E.S.P.E.C.T. for the game is what I am saying.

If it is your boat, It sure is your business.
Take mom and dad aside and tell them you like to be positive on your boat, and that since you are always positive to riders, you get uncomfortable when someone is negative.

If it is their boat, I would suggest standing up as you come around to pick her up and compliment her on whatever she is doing. If you speak first and tell her how cool it was and how close she is to landing whatever it is she is working on, Dad and Mom may not be so inclined to follow your statement up by yelling at her.


I never allow negative feelings on my boat. Ribbing someone over a blown trick is cool, but harsh words are uncalled for and will kill any chance at another invite.

Didn't read the whole thread and it sucks when thing like that happen.I do feel sorry for those kids that are pushed too hard however I feel more sorrow for the kids that never get a chance to even know what wakeboarding is.
Kids that are born here in America at least get a chance to go out on the boat.......

I guess some kids are abused on the boat and some kids like me wished they had a boat to get abused on.Talk about abuse,I didn't go on a boat ride that actually had a steering wheel till I was 26 years old(and it was an outboard tri-hull)and I'm 31 now.

you know when i was about 8 and a friend of mine was about 7, she was tryin to learn to kneeboard and her mom said something around the same thing... now that girl hates the lake and pretty much hates her mom... if i was u dude i probobly would of said something... if they are out there riding and having fun then their not wasting any gas in my view... being that its family i would of spoken up... cause in my mind... they can get the hell over it...