A three hour tour… with Eargasm.

A three hour tour… with Eargasm.
Who wouldn’t jump at the opportunity to check out the wake behind the Tomcat especially knowing that WW regulars including Hammond, Off-Axis Shon, Wakeviolater, and Cobe Mikachic would be providing the sights and SOUND? It was a bag of mixed emotions at the office as I was trying to wrap up a couple of last minute deadlines while at the same time chomping at the bit for the clock to strike 3:30PM. And then finally, riding time… I jumped on I80 hit the carpool lane just in time to meet Hammond and friends at Granitos for our 3 hour tour. First, let me just tell you that the look of the JRS super-lifted F350 towing the monster TOMCAT is a menacing sight! While certainly AMPED about the outing I knew that I would have to throw down my best list of “trick attempts” behind an unfamiliar wake merely to maintain my “street cred.” As we loaded up the Tomcat it quickly swallowed all of our gear including Cobe’s airline sticker laden luggage. It was upon cracking the first Coors light that I realized… carp, I forgot my socks!!!
During our trip out to the spot, my nervousness subsided as Mr. Eargasm gave the digital signal to his floating armada of NVS and Zapco speakers. In my heyday I have visited a San Francisco club or two but never have I heard a boat system approach this level of clarity and sheer volume while cruising at 35MPH. I also don’t ever recall “Put Your Hands Up For Detroit” sounding this good in ANY club, especially one tackling the big water of Folsom. Although I have a little system in my rig, the output of the wake was always exponentially more important to me that the decibels. After Hammond filled the STOCK ballast HALFWAY I jumped in and took the first set after which I confidently proclaimed, there is no sacrifice! This thing is a wake machine! Also to my surprise, these yoked up-tattooed characters were much less menacing and supportive of my riding disabilities than my silent stereotype led me to believe. They didn’t act like their look-a-like types that stole my lunch money in high school one bit! As a matter of fact they exuded a great atmosphere of CHILL and progression while encouraging me to keep on diggin!
There were quite a few boats in the North Fork as Cobe began throwing down a regiment of effortless OFF AXIS 5s, crow mobes, heel front flips, toe back rolls, heel back 3s, and storybook surface and rope tricks. These North Fork boats quickly realized they were witnessing something special and proceeded to merge out of the way in what instantly became a spectator sport. In that 25 minute span I witnessed the most fluid, effortless, controlled, gravity lacking wakeboard set not captured on DVD. There was a single surfing Sanger that stubbornly refused to yield the right of passage, however with a slightly more aggressive cut Cobe made their eyes roll into the back of their heads and they quickly conceded that we officially owned the lake. Hammond, Shon G, and Wakviolater all took their high flying stylish sets and we had a great evening. The sun was quickly racing towards Hawaii so Wakeviolater swam to safety with his valet key and broken board in tow and whished us well. We turned south and headed back with smiles on our faces thankful for another fun filled Cali day.
And just when we though the story and day were coming to an end… we quickly realized it was just about to begin.

Part 2… after I mow the lawn and put the little one to bed.
(I know pictures are worth a thousand words, but we were much too busy enjoying great company and a day on the water to sweat the details.)

I think I got movement...........

Second the movement and I was there!

.....

and just think...part two is even better...well at least more entertaining...for those that weren't there that is.

Attilla...You are a story writing machine bro!! I think you may have found a new day job...I can't even add anything so I will sit back and wait for part 2 to roll out!!

Mow the damn lawn already!!!

I think the second part of this story begins with all crew members pretty much checking in via a text message or a phone call letting friends and family know we will be off the water in about twenty minutes. I personally called my mother to see if my little guy was doing well and if he had any interest in going to bed. With the wife working the graveyard shift, I figured I would check in once I picked up the little stud and put him down in his own crib. Cobe meanwhile arranged for his ride to meet him at the dock. Shortly after emptying the ballast and turning South in the direction of the tow vehicle located about 7 miles away Hammond taps the instrument cluster and gives the crew a blank stare followed by a smirk. Yup, the gas gage indicated that the ZR6 motor powering this beast was inhaling FUMES from the 60 gallon tank!!! Sput..sput…sputter is what we heard as soon as Eargasm eased up on third most used input device on the Tomcat also commonly referred to as the VOLUME knob. He throttled down to a steady idle and indicated that we had 1/8th of a tank prior to Gilligan taking the last set. Even at idle the fumes did not last long and soon the cylinders started clanking and shuddering, we shut her down. The look on Cobe’s face was pure disgust although he didn’t utter a single negative word. I figure in his 13 years of traveling the ProTour he had encountered this sort of predicament a time or two before. I remember thinking to myself the last time we ran out of gas Gilligan had just taken the last set on Aaron Nielsen’s (lzyboy) X2. The circumstances during that previous outing were much different. We had a nasty crosswind blowing us towards the rocks, fortunately we were in the DIRTY D and BG and friends were swiftly engaged in the rescue effort.
Folsom on this Thursday evening was quite peaceful really, the temperature mild, the wind calm, and the water believe it or not was glass!!! It seemed like opportune moment to crack a cold one, tell a joke, and ponder our next move. “I have the next set!” … Laughs all around. After the last couple of gulps we looked around and to our dismay the probability of catching a tow were quite slim. The smoke from the 800+ raging California fires had settled into the valley and reminded me of Irish rolling hills and fog, only with much more dead grass, no fog, and a lot more smoke. It was quite an eerie seen really. Smooth water, thick haze increasingly limiting our visibility and no boats in sight, this certainly seemed foreign to me even though it was Folsom, a spot I have been frequenting for the better part of a decade.
Our best bet was calling up some of the WW faithful. We contacted numerous peeps but they were already off the water getting ready for the next day’s rat race. Wakeviolater willing to help was also trying to figure out cunning ways to be the hero. Our best bet after a few calls it seemed was a guy with a busted knee (AKA Justin Nead (hp inc)). Nine PM was quickly approaching and yet he agreed to hobble out to his garage and go through the rigorous task of getting his BU out of the garage. This mind you included a couple of well devised tricks with a car jack and careful tow rig maneuvers. On one leg he hobbled and managed to get the BU in tow and proceeded to the closest gas station. Meanwhile Wakeviolater hovered around the park entrance to ensure that Ranged Bob did not lock the entrance gate. The mood on the Tomcat remained jovial knowing the we had a rescue plan in the works along with a host of health foods consisting of dried berries, pineapple, and some yummy health juice packaged like shampoo at some four star hotel courtesy of our friend with the biggest bag of tricks. …forgot to mention that the Tomcat’s belly was full of frosty beverages.
Knowing that Hammond was going to miss his normal 3AM workout ritual, he busted out his paddle and started getting his P90X in on the swim platform. I joined in on the commrodory and for the first time I wish I went with the Marius platinum, because it was quite challenging paddling with the heavier 08 Marius! Shon G. with his Transcend was the only one that was able to keep up with the Hammond’s fury, all of my attempts ended with the boat spinning to my side. We then got the leg part of our workout going by jumping in and pushing the boat… Ring ring, Hammond picks up the call from Justin.
Justin indicates that he had managed to make it in through the gate and lunch his BU; he must have been only a mile or two away from us when Ranger Bob shined his spot light on him from shore and ordered him to turn around or face the CONSEQUENCES!!!! Justin turned 180 and headed back. We were on our own.
Due to the smoke, it was pitch black. Not a single star was visible through the thick veil; I could hardly see the shore. At this point, knowing there was no hope of rescue till morning, we dialed 911; they keyed in our information and indicated they would contact the State Park officials. About 30 minutes later I receive a call from Ranger Bob… is this Cobe, no this is Attila, Bob: well who are you…? Attila: ahh one of the guys stuck in the middle of the lake. Bob: Yeah, I received the call from the 911 operator and your wife! Your buddy bailed on you guys because he didn’t have lights or a depth gauge so I guess you folks are going to have to wait about an hour until I pick up my partner and launch our boat.
Can you believe this nonsense???? He tells Justin he is going to arrest him if he does not turn around and then tells us “your buddy bailed on you guys.” I guess even Park Rangers have quotas eyy?
So here we are, 11:30PM in the middle of a blacked out Folsom. Not a creature is stirring, well except the jumping fish (damn I wish we had a rod!!!) and the howling Coyote’s instigated by Shon G. We were pretty much depleted our supply of health foods and beverages at this point so we dropped anchor and waited for Ranger Bob to rescue us. In lieu of the Ranger Bobs demeanor on the phone we prepared for a hostile Cost Guard type boarding, fire extinguisher CHECK, life vests CHECK, throw able flotation device CHECK, sobriety test CHECK. After our little fire drill, we pretty much had nothing better to do so we picked our spots and laid down for a little shut eye. I must say, the only thing louder on the TOMCAT then the NVSs is HAMMOND snoring! Can I get an AMEN from the rest of the crew on this?
The clock strikes 2AM and I hear the hum on an engine in the distance, we jump to our feet except for HAMMOND (still snoring) and click on the NAV lights. After about 5 minutes of violent shaking HAMMOND finally awakens from his slumber and we prepare ourselves for a major lecture from the AUTHORITIES. They tie up, do the usual flashlight intimidation trick, and then very respectfully hand over a can of gas without any input or negative connotation. We gas her up and she fires at the first turn of the key. We proceed by following Ranger Bob in his prop wash about 25 feet back. No more than two minutes go by when I hear the most terrible sound that has ever struck the ear drum of a boat owner. Even though we are just barely above idle I fall off the seat as the boat lurches forward and the bow rises about 20 degrees. Although the boat probably came to rest within three to four seconds, it seemed more like fifteen as I could hear the sound of TOMCAT hardware and rock inflicting their worst on each other. Mentioning the driver of the boat is pointless because visibility was ZILCH! We flash the lights at the ranger and he turns around. He approaches with spot lights blazing and as we look over the side we realize that the TOMCAT has come to rest on a granite outcrop sitting less than one foot below the surface. From our location we cannot make out the shore and because of this I assume that we were at least 200 feet out. We attach the rope to the back of the Tomcat and get dragged off the outcrop by Ranger Bob. We crank the motor and don’t feel any major vibration, but our ears are all highly tuned picking up every faint water swirl and mechanical hum. By this time it past 2:30AM and as we witness the ranger zig zag in front of us decide to forge ahead. The ranger seems to be lost on his own lake and we move past him with our eyes glued to the depth gauge. Taking the lead regains us some of the visibility as our eyes adjust to the darkness. After an hour plus track we welcome the sight of a floating portopottie as it confirms our proximity to the launch ramp. Without much conversation everyone takes their positions and we swiftly swoop the Tomcat from the water. We survey the damage and while not a mere flesh wound, it has held up quite well against the elements. Since we already have a BONECRUSHER in the WW feet, perhaps we should name this black beauty the ROCKCRUSHER because I am sure we left our mark on that rogue piece of granite.
HAMMOND takes it all in stride and proceeds to thank us for joining him. How he managed to keep his cool with RANGER Bob and the elements I will never know, but I am proud to have made a couple of new friends and survived a 3:00AM hour tour.
Sooo, we takin’ my boat on Monday?

Nicely done Attila! I'm still catching up on sleep from that night. To my amazement there is hardly any damage to the boat, but I will never forget the horrible sound of the boat crashing into the rocks. Mark my words, I will "Top Off" every time we roll out.

That was for sure the worst sound ever!! Good to hear it was not all that bad! Attila...You summed it up!! Blueberrys.....LOL

Ypur writing skills are top Notch. Have you been watching Sex and the City with your wife?



What a night. Sorry to hear about the boat but Im glad you all got home safe!

man, i've been waiting for part two all day, haha, you're writing skills really are awesome. Glad all is well with the boat!

A nomination to Attila for his Pulitzer prize winning writing. Loved the story! So happy to hear that the ROCKCRUSHER has lived. Destined to be the most famous boat on WW. When do I get a ride?

Attila's writing is no joke. Don't forget that Justin (HP Inc.) does have lights and a depth finder!! Not quite sure why Ranger Bob had to make up stories. Anyway, glad all is well. Attila...you ever thought about writing kids books?

that story made my day, thanks. and sorry about the ride shawn just glad to hear everyone is cool. lates B.

Not that the story wasn't a good one but if it were not for how well you have written it I probably wouldn't have gotten through all of that.

I am glad you folks enjoyed it! It got a little wordy but I wanted to set the mood and paint a picture for the readers. It will be a night that will remain with us for some time to come.

Shon, you got those fins on order for me or what?

Wow, crazy story. I should've made time to take a tour with Eargasm myself when i was close to the area! Next time. Glad the Cat is okay and you didn't have to resort to cannibalism.

Thanks, BTW... I am rockin your stickers on my hardware. Thanks for sending those to me a while back.

that was a horrible ending to an AWESOME day. you just dont see folsom that glassy on a summer afternoon. It was really wierd with all the smoke. It almost felt like winter riding, with a light fog hanging.

I'm very happy to hear the damage wasnt too bad.

Great writing skills Attila. Very impressive.
Having been out with Shawn and Justin a few times. I can totally see this happening. Sounds like an adventure ontop of great company. The part were Shawn is snoring away sounds about right.

Ah man.... what a day. I've never seen someone as calm and level headed in the face of adversity as Shawn Hammond. Between us trying to put his boat up onto the dock two years ago and his boat trailer getting hung up on a rock this year Spring Ride has tested his patience on too many occasions.

Glad to hear everything worked out well. That's a killer crew. Attila, glad you made it out with them.

Wussup guys..... 1 month to Shasta. We'll be sure to have a back-up boat close by in case we do any late afternoon rides. Ha, ha, ha.

I was supposed to be out there with you guys and when wakeviolator called me and said you are so glad you didn't go riding last night cause you wouldn't have gotten home till 4 am. Then Shawn called and told me the story my jaw dropped when I heard what the park rangers did to really screw you guys over! Glad to hear the Tomcat isn't too beat up!

Great write up, you could really get a feel for what was going down. Sorry the day ended the way it did, but it's good to hear that there was minimal damage. Now everybody has got a story to tell.

I am still waiting for the write up form Justin.. the whole ranger deal remains a bit of a mystery to me.
After he didn't lecture us or do a hostile inspection I was left pondering why he supposedly threatened Justin.

This would be my guess Attila...we have had run in with that exact ranger before. Lets just say they haven't been the most pleasant. I am not quite sure why he threatened me and not you. Are you questioning if I went out there to try and get your sorry asses at 10 P.M. in pitch blackness? Ask wakeviolator...he saw me put my boat in.

Haha... no, I know you launched and were close to delivering the petrol! LOL

Perhaps ranger Bob has split personality disorder. I was simply curious about the exchange of words.

(Message edited by attila916 on June 30, 2008)

(Message edited by attila916 on June 30, 2008)

(Message edited by attila916 on June 30, 2008)

I think Ranger Bob has a chip on his shoulder because of a few past incidents and wanted to ***** my oh so great image w/ my buddies.

Sounds like a great day on Folsom!!!

Attila - Great story telling

Great to HEAR the TomCAT PURRRing again this morning. Thanks for the pull.

Anytime Attila, maybe see ya on Sunday.