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The Affordable Boat Act of 2014

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Editors note: I found this on the Interwebs and thought it was pretty funny and relevant...


The U.S. government has just passed a new law called "The Affordable Boat Act" declaring that every citizen MUST purchase a new boat by April 2014.
 
These "affordable" boats will cost an average of $54,000-$155,000 each. This does not include taxes, trailers, towing fees, licensing and registration fees, fuel, docking and storage fees, maintenance or repair costs.
 
This law has been passed because until now typically only wealthy and financially responsible people have been able to purchase boats. This new law ensures that every American can now have an "affordable" boat of their own because everyone is entitled to a new boat. If you purchase your boat before the end of the year, you will receive four free life jackets; not including monthly usage fees.
 
In order to make sure everyone purchases an affordable boat, the costs of owning a boat will increase on average of 250-400% per year. This way, wealthy people will pay more for something that other people don’t want or can’t afford to maintain. But to be fair, people who can’t afford to maintain their boat will be regularly fined, and children (under the age of 26) can use their parent's boats to party on until they turn 27, then must purchase their own boat.

2014 Malibu Wakesetter 23LSV


If you already have a boat, you can keep yours (just kidding, no you can’t). If you don’t want or don’t need a boat, you are required to buy one anyhow. If you refuse to buy one or can’t afford one, you will be regularly fined $800 until you purchase one or face imprisonment.
 
Failure to use the boat will also result in fines. People living in the desert or urban areas with no access to lakes are not exempt. Age, motion sickness, experience, knowledge, nor lack of desire are acceptable excuses for not using your boat.
 
A government review board (that doesn’t know the difference between the port, starboard or stern sides of a boat) will decide everything, including when, where, how often and for what purposes you can use your boat along with how many people can ride on your boat, and determine if one is too old or healthy enough to be able to use their boat. They will also decide if your boat has outlived its usefulness, or if you must purchase specific accessories (like a $4,000 tower) or a newer and more expensive boat.
 
Those who can afford yachts will be required to do so…it’s only fair.
 
The government will also decide the name for each boat.
 
Failure to comply with these rules will result in fines and possible imprisonment.
 
Government officials are exempt from this new law. If they want a boat, they and their families can obtain boats free, at the expense of taxpayers. Unions, bankers and mega companies with large political affiliations are also exempt.


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Comments (12)

Commented on 11-23-2013 At 05:43 pm

Gross oversimplification. My response is, think of all those people that just refuse to buy a boat but really really want a pull. oh btw, they don't have gas money. You can't not give em a pull, they are your friend. Guess it's up to us as boat owners to shoulder the load of all those that won't purchase a boat to pull themselves. I guess if these people that choose to not buy a boat but could afford the payments will all have to sign a waiver to deny those emergency pulls that we all need every now and again.
Commented on 11-23-2013 At 05:50 pm

And since this is obviously a slam on the ACA. Think about this, when those people who refuse either refuse to or can't pay for health coverage end up in the hospital, who pays for it. Services can't be denied so there are 2 options. Hospital eats it and everybody's costs rise or they write it off which means that your tax dollars have just paid for it. Now just for the sake of argument, which is cheaper, emergency care or preventative care. Is it cheaper to change the oil in your car regularly or is it cheaper to just let it burn through it eventually an blow up then have to tear the whole thing down and rebuild. You don't wanna pay for everybody's health care? Well guess what, you are right now and unless your plan is to simply deny service to anyone that can't afford it (at which point we stop talking because you aren't part of the society that I am) then this will lower your burden.
Commented on 1-5-2014 At 01:05 pm

dude are you kidding, this is still america and under your theory, we screw 5 million private policy holders this year and next year 75 million company insured so we can help 35 million uninsured. i have a "grandfathered" aca policy that i won't pay any taxes on this month in jan., 2014, but if you lost your grandfathered status i hope you enjoy your new january taxes on your january bill that nobody bothered to tell you about. good luck with that and your policy fee increases or your new obama policy, and i hope your in next years 75 million and i hope you enjoy that as we could have dealt with pre existing conditions and the uninsured they way do know or a specific law to deal with that. Libs, they always tell the rest of us how to live. not me buddy, and not anything about my life under the bill of rights.
Commented on 1-5-2014 At 01:11 pm

oh, yeah i forgot to tell you how much i enjoy my inexpensive, hospitilization only unless cancer substandard private wild west policy. $135 a month, 5000 deductible, 20% co-insurance on the next $5000. = 6000 total out of pocket that i have had for 10 years and i am 53 years old and i will risk on whatever wake whatever i want when i hit the air. thank you very much, because i read my aca letter about grandfathered status and was smart enough to change nothing because i had no incentive to do so to my rock bottom policy.. hey lib, wake up and learn to live your own life with out living mine
Commented on 1-5-2014 At 01:13 pm

oh, yeah, i shoulder whatever i want for who ever i want, but instead i decided to start a business with my new 2014 axis a 20 w/surfgate and power wedge. want to buy a pull?
Commented on 1-5-2014 At 02:05 pm

to all libs, you wouldn't have a heart if you weren't a lib in your 20's, you wouldn't have a brain if you weren't conservative in your 40's or 50's. i threw that yolk off in my 30's. don't don't doubt it is a yolk meant for a field plow mule.
Commented on 1-5-2014 At 02:40 pm

How bout dem apples libs
Commented on 1-5-2014 At 02:43 pm

You go lib I'll fight you, you go love as conservatives do, I 'll love you instead
Commented on 1-5-2014 At 03:32 pm

Love means a hand up not out
Commented on 1-5-2014 At 03:35 pm

How bout dem apples libs
Commented on 1-7-2014 At 07:00 am

where's my buddy ryansgt. hey dude, is that hair loss from mom genetic?or did you make a deal with the liberal devil take a little juice when your were younger? there are other reasons but these two tend to 50/50 share the blame, what's your story?,
Commented on 1-7-2014 At 07:03 am

doesn't feel good when someone takes uninforned liberal shot, have you learned your lesson yet, so now i apologize for mine, but you need to check that liberal montra at the wake door.b
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