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Old    Nick Tomsyck (sidekicknicholas)      Join Date: Mar 2007       06-26-2012, 10:10 AM Reply   
Starting to make wedding plans .... I'm going to kill her.

Holy **** why does it have to be so hard?! How on earth does a 24 year old woman know 450 people to invite!? I haven't met that many people in my life, let alone consider them friend-enough to be at my wedding.

.... I'm pushing sooooo hard for a Vegas wedding (it can be nice too, not just a drive-through one) but having no luck. Any tips on what to say to her to convince her this is a good idea? I tried this one, "Why spend so much money to have a 50/50 shot of this even working out?" ..... that was the wrong thing.


.... seriously this makes me really understand gay marriage on a whole new level. I can picture it now, me and by best friend (soon to be husband) sitting on a couch playing video games and watching football..... I ask, "Where do you want to get married at?" ..... his reply, "I don't give a ****".... boom, solved..... more video games.


Women.
Old    Brett Yates (polarbill)      Join Date: Jun 2003       06-26-2012, 10:23 AM Reply   
I have no advice but you have me cracking up. I have been dating my girlfriend for almost a year and a half and we will be engaged(asuming she says yes) in the enxt 6 months or so. I am dreading the whole wedding thing already. Her entire family lives in Michigan. Mine all in Seattle. I really hope a small family only wedding somewhere will fly with parties in each of oour hometowns will fly.
Old    Nick Tomsyck (sidekicknicholas)      Join Date: Mar 2007       06-26-2012, 10:29 AM Reply   
Quote:
really hope a small family only wedding somewhere will fly with parties in each of oour hometowns will fly.
I hope you get that! Vegas is pretty central to everyone then eh?

... and of course when I question why the crap she is inviting someone she met once at a pageant like two years ago, I'm a jerk and don't understand, and I quote, "How influential and inspirational they have been to me"..... if that is grounds for an invite, Joe Montana just made my list.
Old    BLAIR BARHAM (jonblarc7)      Join Date: Jul 2006       06-26-2012, 10:41 AM Reply   
Its easy you need to learn to say

YES DEAR!!!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHA
Old    Miguel (migs)      Join Date: Aug 2006       06-26-2012, 10:44 AM Reply   
Answer = destination wedding to a small island(NOT OAHU). This should get you down to around 50 peeps.
Old    LR3w8kbrdr            06-26-2012, 10:51 AM Reply   
Let me just mention this...

Our wedding location changed 24 times (yes thats right!) and im not talking just buildings Im talking parts of the country/fiji & hawaii/themes. Anything from 300 people down to 12 people. We ended up just doing a beach wedding in FL, having family down and ended with 65 people at $210/plate. Never thought almost $40k could be spent on a beach wedding!!!

Has she set a budget yet?? That will help control her number of invites. We had a very detailed binder & spreadsheets tracking every little expense.

I will say the wedding planning stress both of us endured was the major contributer to a miserable honeymoon (Atlantis in bahamas) & first yr of marriage and me filing divorce exactly a yr later after our wedding.

Next time Im hiring a wedding planner and I dont care if people think its stupid or we will just spend all that money on a nice trip. All a wedding is, is a huge party for ur friends/family.

We even gave ourselves 14mos to plan the wedding.
Old    Dave (bcrider)      Join Date: Apr 2006       06-26-2012, 10:57 AM Reply   
I feel your pain. I got married 2 years ago. This is only the start buddy. You will have the same rant about table decorations and who sits where and a whole lot of other things. If you are paying for the wedding and start to realize the cost for 450 people that list will get chopped in half in no time. Our wedding ( which I tried to do on the cheaper side for some things) still cost approx $ 25,000.00 by the time we were done. Catering alone is usually in around about $ 25 per plate. How does $ 11,250.00 in catering sound for 450 people? I caved and shook my head on some things and on others I fought to the bitter end. Win #1 which wasn't that hard. This guy ain't where'n no monkey suit!

My biggest advise. Nobody cares about what colors you used. What was on the table, and so on....Only your bride does but getting her to realize that would be like god making an actual apperance. The only thing that gets remembered about at a wedding is the food and that so and so got so hammered and made a fool of themselves or something like that. If you're in a time of your life where all of your friend's are getting married as well it all turns in to one big blur anyway.

GOOD LUCK!!
Old    Boarder 42 (jhartt3)      Join Date: Jan 2012       06-26-2012, 10:59 AM Reply   
We(she) are planning ours now... My advice if you arent chipping in much for the wedding is to say you'll take care of the honeymoon, rehersal dinner and Tux's... My fiance kept asking my opinion on things to make me feel like i was a part of it. And her choice always over ruled mine. (really annoying) I let her know this and now she just makes decisions. but ^^^^ is right.
1. Set a Budget
2. She should keep a detailed binder of everything.
3. Pick what you like best and just be prepared to have that be the one she hates
Old    Andy Graham (ottog1979)      Join Date: Apr 2007       06-26-2012, 11:02 AM Reply   
^ Great example (LR3). How you two will work out the wedding is the best predictor of how you two will work out other major decisions in the future. Pay attention! Communicate with her, including listening to her needs/wants as well as voicing your own. The best couples find a way to work through major things while considering both partners. If you guys can't do that, you have trouble coming.

Of this, I know what I speak. I was married at 29, divorced at 40 and just remarried two weeks ago at 51.
Old    Tory Parke (TParke)      Join Date: Aug 2011       06-26-2012, 11:06 AM Reply   
We chose to get married in the Caymans. Saved a ton of cash. Even doing that, we have never fought that much in our life.
Old    August (augie_09)      Join Date: Mar 2011       06-26-2012, 11:10 AM Reply   
Just say 'yes' to anything she wants for her wedding, your life will get easier. Probably only a few details matter to the guy, specially after the big da is overy, but they all matter to her, so pick and choose your arguments on what you reallly really feel should be discussed. Focus on the honeymoon instead.
Old    "G" (grant_west)      Join Date: Jun 2005       06-26-2012, 11:32 AM Reply   
Quote:
ust say 'yes' to anything she wants for her wedding, your life will get easier.
Umm I have to strongly disagree with that little piece of advice.
My rule of thumb is the bigger the weading and diamond ring the crapyer the marriage.
Nick: I would try and use this Logic to slim down your weading party. I understand some people have the Idea it’s a great day to share with your entire friend’s (450 is allot of friends) but be that as it may some people feel this is the day to invite EVERYONE! Your other 1/2 sounds like one of these people. You on the other side sound like a person that could do with out so many people. So your should promote the side of a smaller more personal intimate weading. When you get down to it a weading is supposed to be all about the 2 of you NOT all 450 of your guest's. A smaller weading will make it easier on the 2 of you and you can concentrate on what's important. "You both having a great day" See if you can make your other 1/2 see the advantages of going smaller so you can focus on her. The down side of a smaller weading is you have to say NO to so many people that you may want to come. In that case invite all 450 to a remote Island and see who shows up.
Old    Nick Tomsyck (sidekicknicholas)      Join Date: Mar 2007       06-26-2012, 11:36 AM Reply   
Quote:
My advice if you arent chipping in much for the wedding is to say you'll take care of the honeymoon, rehersal dinner and Tux's...
Thats the part that I hate the most... I am footing the bill for this. I expected her dad to pick up the tab - they're pretty old fashioned and he makes a buttload of money.... but he has shown ZERO signs of helping with it so that means I'm paying for the following:
Her car
Her shiny ring
Her wedding
Our house
... and I'll probably end up picking up the slack on her student loans.

.... my though is if I am paying, I should get some say. I told her I would stop feeding the wedding account but would match 2-1 what she put it.... haven't put a dime into that savings account in 4 months.

.... the worst part as she plans things it is shaping up to be a carbon copy of every other wedding I've ever been to in central Wisconsin.... I want to remember it for being awesome, not try figure out if some even happened at our wedding or a friend's.

uggg.
Old    John Anderson (fly135)      Join Date: Jun 2004       06-26-2012, 11:47 AM Reply   
I got lucky. We got the license on Thur and got married on Sun (Easter no less). We had it at the house with close family and she ordered catered food and had the bakery convert some Easter cakes to wedding cakes. When she went to the bakery they were like... you can't get a wedding cake on the day before Easter. A customer waiting said.... "You guys can work miracles, surely you can make a cake for her."
Old    LR3w8kbrdr            06-26-2012, 11:51 AM Reply   
Sucks ur going through this. Has she had a discussion with her folks yet? If theyre old fashioned doesnt that typically mean they pay for their daughters wedding??

Im sorry to say but honestly it looks like it might get worse and this is only the beginning. Just wait till issues happen during the planning phases of this wedding. Dont know but u portray her as going to be a bridezilla.

I too do not agree as to just say yes to everything. That only leads to more issues down the road. Maybe just have 4-5 items that r urs to work on and stay put of the rest. Of course since ur paying ur in a bind there.

Not sure when u two are getting married but best of luck throughout this process.

Oh and did i mention during our planning, she decided she wanted to upgrade her enagament ring that I picked out to better match the wedding bands she found & wanted?? Went from a $7500 ring to $13k ring! The writing was on the wall for me the entire time and I just ignored it.
Old    Ron T (Laker1234)      Join Date: Mar 2010       06-26-2012, 11:51 AM Reply   
Make a deal with her dad--For $15,000 cash, you'll take her to Vegas for the wedding--maybe that will help change her mind. It didn't work for my buddy, but maybe you'll have better luck.
Old    Tucker McElroy (Tucker_McElroy)      Join Date: Mar 2012       06-26-2012, 11:56 AM Reply   
My buddy had a wedding at the Four Seasons in Las Vegas, both parties were very, very happy with it...
Old    Hate N Pain (hatepain)      Join Date: Aug 2006       06-26-2012, 12:03 PM Reply   
Sounds like her daddy must have not said no to her very often. You guys really need to find a way to agree on the total number of guest thay you WANT to afford and start widdling it down. The good news is you'll likely have no better than 3/4 of the people show up especially if she reaching as you described earlier i.e. this person she met once isn't showing up. You should insist on it being on a holiday weekend, then you'll you'll get even less guests
Old    Sean M (magic)      Join Date: Mar 2002       06-26-2012, 12:18 PM Reply   
We got married in Vegas at the Paris. It was really nice. Met my budget and fun needs, she got her chapel wedding, we had friends from around the US and Europe coming, so Vegas was a fun location for everyone.

I don't remember the numbers, but we where under $6K total. Once she realized that some giant crazy wedding was more hype/fantasy media induced silliness, she focused on a smaller and nice experience for everyone. Left us tons of cash for honeymoon and other things that we'd rater be doing.

I've been to more than enough weddings with 100s of people, don't get them at all. Been to some very costly ones too, they are nice but all of the nice stuff are things I don't care about so I just don't get it.
Old    John Anderson (fly135)      Join Date: Jun 2004       06-26-2012, 12:39 PM Reply   
Well at least you can now say you were warned of the things to come.
Old    Cary Kalamajka (ndh2o)      Join Date: Oct 2001       06-26-2012, 12:48 PM Reply   
I got married in Vegas almost 14 years ago (still happily married) and would do it again in a heartbeat. Flew out our families and had a week long Vegas Vacation, had a party back at a friends house upon our return, and went on our honeymoon when it suited us best.

I have been to some really chill, and some really elaborate wedding since then, and as a guest had a great time at all of them, but every wedding has reminded me of how glad I am we did what we did.
Old    Richard (nauty)      Join Date: Feb 2004       06-26-2012, 1:36 PM Reply   
The day I got engaged I told my wife that the wedding day was all about her and that I really didn't care when, where, or how it was done. I could do Vegas or a traditional wedding; it didn't matter to me.

With that in mind, I told her that if we did do a big traditional wedding she would have to plan every bit of it without my help, otherwise we could do Vegas. She agreed and didn't ask me to participate in any of the planning other than registering for gifts. In the end I did decide to commandeer two very important aspects of the wedding..... the alcohol and the music.

Her parents were paying for the wedding, but they wouldn't spring for alcohol. I couldn't let our guests come to our wedding and have to pay for a drink, so I spent the next 6 months watching grocery store ads for beer and wine. Whenever something went on sale, I bought a few cases. By the time the wedding day came we had beer and wine as far as the eye could see. I also picked out the DJ. I wanted good music, not the typical wedding "chicken dance" and "she's a brick house" crap. In the end it worked out great. I didn't have to go look at flowers, napkins, invitations, or any of that crap. I just bought the booze and picked out a DJ.

The moral of the story is be a man! Tell your woman that the only one in this relationship who wants this big ass wedding is her and therefore, she should plan it without your help. You can tell her I said so
Old    Matt (pierce_bronkite)      Join Date: Jul 2003       06-26-2012, 1:46 PM Reply   
I got married about 10 years ago (still married too). Total was 2k and we had no more than 25 people there. Oh ya, it was her decision too. Just wanna rub that in!

It blows my mind when people spend 20-30k or more on a wedding and get divorced years later.
Old    LR3w8kbrdr            06-26-2012, 1:53 PM Reply   
Quote:
Originally Posted by pierce_bronkite View Post
It blows my mind when people spend 20-30k or more on a wedding and get divorced years later.
im just glad I didnt have to pay a dime for it. I shouldnt have married the girl anyways, if u only knew all the signs that were there. Chalked it up as a life lesson of what not to do lol
Old    Rich (digg311)      Join Date: Sep 2007       06-26-2012, 1:56 PM Reply   
We got married in Vegas in 2003. Family all over the country, so we decided to pick a neutral spot. My vote was for Lake Shasta... rent a couple houseboats, ride all day... stop somewhere around sunset, head up to the beach, get hitched, get drunk, consummate, wake up and ride all day again.

She vetoed that due to logistics... but then threw out the Vegas idea and I jumped on it. She was definitely more interested in seeing folks and having a good time than she was in picking out flower arrangements and assigning seats for a fancy dinner.

We did a full on wedding though. No drive-thru. Tuxes and dresses and the whole nine. Big wedding party with photo ops in front of the Bellagio.

Vegas was perfect for us... it allowed our family and friends to come and celebrate with us... but made it so that their "good time" wasn't our responsibility... everyone did their own thing until the ceremony. And then we all partied together after. Very little stress. I highly recommend.

Plus, i won $1,200.00 on one pull of a slot... so between that and somehow convincing my beautiful wife to marry a fat dude in the first place... I felt pretty good about the whole thing.
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Old    Bruizza (bruizza)      Join Date: May 2009       06-26-2012, 2:15 PM Reply   
I feel for you Nick. I never wanted a big wedding. So when I knew I was going to ask her to marry me I started dropping hints at a destination wedding. Small and easy. Hell Sandals will do a whole package for less than 3k. Well once she got an engagement ring she went batahit wedding crazy. Our goal was 100 people for our wedding. We were up to 15k for 5 hours and fighting constantly about the stupidest wedding **** ever! I swear everything was a battle. Colors, when to take pictures etc.. Things I never even thought I cared about became an issue. So I finally asked her if she really wanted this big ass wedding we were planning because I sure as hell didn't. She realized she didn't some canceled the big wedding. We are now getting married in Rocky Mountain National Park with just our families. Things have been AWESOME ever since we canceled the wedding. Hell we took the $ we were going to spend on a wedding and bought a new boat. Good Luck man!!!
Old    Brett W (brettw)      Join Date: Jul 2007       06-26-2012, 3:16 PM Reply   
You better go over finances in detail with her at some point along with some short and long term goals like how much you plan to save on a regular basis, any big toys such as a boat, future vacations, buying a house, etc. Maybe with all that written down along with the numbers and how long it will take to save how much and for what, you can show her that spending $40,000, $50,000, $100,000+ on a wedding is just plain stupid - unless you've got a lot of extra money to burn.

Good luck, man.
Old    Train (ttrigo)      Join Date: Dec 2004       06-26-2012, 4:58 PM Reply   
Keep in mind, she has been planning her dream wedding since she was probably 3 years old. I watch my 5 year old daughter go through about 3 weddings a week right now, so trust me, she has been thinking about it forever! With that said, you guys need to sit down and have a serious financial conversation. If you are spending this much money on a wedding, how long is it going to take to pay it off? The biggest issue married couples have are about money. You might be doing well right now on the financial side of things, but that may not always be the case. She may need to reevaluate her plans, or perhaps convince her family to pitch in, if she is entirely set on having this huge extravagant wedding.
Your fiancee is obviously important to you, as you chose to spend the rest of your life with her. Dont go into your first day as a married couple with resentment about how your wedding was too expensive, too big, not big enough, etc. start the open lines of communication as quickly as possible. Tell her how you feel about it, but let her know you understand how important it is to her to have certain people there.

My rule of thumb was: if we havent spoken to someone in more than 9 months (not family) they were not invited. Facebook, and other social media changes the lines of communication with past friends now, but that was my rule 9 years ago, and i have no regrets about the people we left off the invite list. Your wedding is about you and your bride first, family second, and friends a distant third. Imo.
Good luck with your decision.
Old    alan plotz (alanp)      Join Date: Apr 2001       06-26-2012, 7:03 PM Reply   
bought a keg and billed its as a party. didnt care who showed up and didnt. told ppl not to buy gifts for us. spend about 500 bux total(including pix, pastor and booze). weddings are a waste of money imo. we spent 7k on a month long honeymoon thru thailand cambodia and vietnam. oh and ppl still tell me to this day how fun and refreshing our wedding was. this was the toast.
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Old    alan plotz (alanp)      Join Date: Apr 2001       06-26-2012, 7:06 PM Reply   
sorry this is the actual toast(shes canadian thats why i have that beer)
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Old    LR3w8kbrdr            06-26-2012, 7:08 PM Reply   
^^^yeah but how many guys can find a cool chick who shotguns a budweiser??
Old    Darren Yearsley (ralph)      Join Date: Apr 2002       06-26-2012, 7:13 PM Reply   
Quote:
Originally Posted by sidekicknicholas View Post
Holy **** why does it have to be so hard?!
The real answer is: It doesn't have to be hard. After experience of dating the right and wrong women (And marrying the right one!), you know when you have a keeper because everything gets easier not harder. JME....
Old    Andy Graham (ottog1979)      Join Date: Apr 2007       06-26-2012, 7:19 PM Reply   
Alan Plotz, my new hero!
Old    Aaron (alindquist)      Join Date: Mar 2004       06-27-2012, 5:41 AM Reply   
Everyone is missing the obvious solution... Don't get married... Problem solved
Old    Nick Tomsyck (sidekicknicholas)      Join Date: Mar 2007       06-27-2012, 6:01 AM Reply   
Quote:
Everyone is missing the obvious solution... Don't get married... Problem solved
Haha... in a few more years we could just go for the domestic partnership.... cheaper and easier!

... good to see I'm not alone in the chaos,

Train - you nailed it with her, she is/was totally the girl who has been dreaming about it all since she was little, and I don't want to take anything away from her or the wedding.... I also want it to be our wedding and not a show for all these people I don't even like that much.



Last night I did make a little progress - certain things that I want to be more fun/funny/not boring she said is okay, but only for my side/guests..... save-the-dates/invites I can have fun with for my guests.... I can't wait for my stuff to be better than hers!
Old    Jarrod Perkins (jperkinsttu)      Join Date: Mar 2008       06-27-2012, 6:25 AM Reply   
We were told by my wife's father he would give the money for the wedding if we just wanted to do something small. She was on board until the ring got on her finger and everything changed after that. I helped pick the venue but let St know that I didn't want all the expense of something I didn't really feel like would be that great of a time for the people who have to work to put it together. It was fine but I still would've rather had the money to do something to our house or a better honeymoon. Whatever you do don't say yes to everything bc the longer you do the bigger the explosion when you finally say no. If you're out of your comfort zone with something and tell her and she ignores it then it's time to step back and look at things. Good luck to ya man. Oh and your sense of humor will get you through a lot but if it's like my situation it will fade soon enough.
Old    Adam Curtis (acurtis_ttu)      Join Date: May 2004       06-27-2012, 6:55 AM Reply   
450 people...lol. You would spend all nite shaking hands.

sounds like your in a similar situation as I was about 5 years ago. I'm getting pissed thinking about how much money I wasted on that horror. Funny how love can make the most irrational ideas/decisions.....seem rational..........like spendig 100k for one day event...when most people dont' make that in a year.

I was the douche who just rolled over liek a trained monkey and said yes dear....

If she wants a "yes" monkey , she can go to the zoo...if she wants a husband, she'll respect you and compromise.

what's funny is I prolly spent more time and effort in getting divorced, lol.......maybe that was a problem???
Old    David (detonate69)      Join Date: Apr 2001       06-27-2012, 7:39 AM Reply   
Seriously. Be a man. If you're paying for it, set a budget and tell her this is how much we can spend. If you just keep saying yes and she can't respect a budget you're going to be in trouble down the road.

Unless you're uber rich and are just looking for someone to spend your money.

Its both of your day and if you're not going to be happy what's the point?

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I777 using Tapatalk 2
Old    John Anderson (fly135)      Join Date: Jun 2004       06-27-2012, 8:12 AM Reply   
Quote:
Originally Posted by alindquist View Post
Everyone is missing the obvious solution... Don't get married... Problem solved
Lotta wisdom in that statement. I'm 56 and if I never married and had children I would be retired on easy street right now.
Old    Brett Yates (polarbill)      Join Date: Jun 2003       06-27-2012, 8:28 AM Reply   
I don't get the whole spending a ton of money on invitations, save the dates, flowers, wedding cakes, etc... Like someone else said all anybody remembers are the speaches, the food and the booze. I would have a small wedding with family and close friends and then just throw a party for everybody else. Also, instead of getting some huge fancy wedding cake just go to a good cake shop and get 4 or 5 different types of cakes/pies and let people choose their dessert.
Old    Elizabeth LaMarca (lizzyb)      Join Date: Sep 2005       06-27-2012, 10:02 AM Reply   
I guess I didn't get the bride gene, because 450 people that you barely know, a one time party that is going to cost tends of thousands of dollars and endless amounts of stress and tension, sounds like my worst nightmare.

I got married young in a formal and traditional wedding, only to divorce four years later. When I met my now husband, we both wanted something cheap (we were paying this time), casual and super fun. We chose Vegas and had a GREAT time. The whole thing probably cost us around 3k, all of our closest friends and family came and it was perfect. When I met the right person for me.. the wedding didn't matter.. our life together did.

Those that have been married awhile will know that the wedding is just the jumping off point and not the important part of a marriage.

And please... man up and stand up for yourself. Laying down and letting her have free reign is not the way to start off a life together.
Old    LR3w8kbrdr            06-27-2012, 10:05 AM Reply   
Good to hear it from a females perspective!
Old    Andy Graham (ottog1979)      Join Date: Apr 2007       06-27-2012, 10:29 AM Reply   
Quote:
the wedding didn't matter.. our life together did.

Those that have been married awhile will know that the wedding is just the jumping off point and not the important part of a marriage.

And please... man up and stand up for yourself. Laying down and letting her have free reign is not the way to start off a life together.
Could not be said better.
Old    Andy Graham (ottog1979)      Join Date: Apr 2007       06-27-2012, 10:41 AM Reply   
I'll also add this: The process of talking this out together and getting something that works for both of you is FAR more important than the actual wedding event, how much is spent, where it is, who comes, etc. As LizzyB pointed out, the wedding day in the big scheme is a very small part of the picture. If you can't go through the process well and really listen to each other or don't feel listened to, it's a sign my man (that would be dark clouds). (I see I am being redundant - a reiteration of my original post.)

Figuring all this out later, especially after having kids is a much more painful process.
Old    Boarder85 (fouroheight68)      Join Date: May 2006       06-27-2012, 11:08 AM Reply   
Sounds like your fiancee doesn't have a concept of actual wedding costs.

I'm getting married in October, and lucky for me, my fiancee was a wedding/event planner. She also blogs about wedding projects here:

http://www.engagedandinspired.com/20...n-the-big-day/


Realistically, expect to spend a MINIMUM of $100/person for your wedding. This # goes down with the larger number of people, but we are having 120 guests and we are at right around $19k. This includes venue, food, drinks, photos, etc but also the less obvious stuff like hotel room, dress, tux rental, flowers, rehearsal dinner, invitations, save the dates etc.

The only time I put my foot down was on flowers. I think we had several quotes for $2000.I told her NO WAY am I spending 2k on flowers - Id rather buy a flight to Europe. She is awesome though since she was able to negotiate a trade for some marketing/blogging work. Plus, as a local blogger, alot of our vendors are going over the top since our wedding will be featured.

I dont understand 450 guests. My rule of thumb was if I haven't met the person, they aren't coming. Therefore, my cousins in Washington aren't coming since my fiancee hasn't met them. Also goes for my groomsmen - Im not paying $100+ to have them bring their latest hoe-ski.

My best advice is make the wedding planning fun. If it starts getting stressful, stop and take a break. We are doing ALOT of DIY projects which are fun and cool, and save money. I actually am having fun helping plan this (although she is doing most of the work).
Old    Scott R (ScottR)      Join Date: Aug 2011       06-27-2012, 11:31 AM Reply   
Nick - isn't your soon to be the pagent girl who is going to Miss America? Not that it matters at all but just thought it was you....the last line in what ELIZABETH says is the most important line in this entire post...!! As a man married for 13 years and 4 kids I can promise you the wedding is a memory and that's it. Make sure it is something fun, and sensible. But, most of all....man up and tell her what YOU want...somewhere in the middle is the solution. I will tell you this, if she isn't willing to meet you in the middle imagine what the REST OF YOUR LIFE is going to be like. Compromise is the bedrock of a marriage!!
Old    Ian Brown (wakereviews)      Join Date: Sep 2006       06-27-2012, 11:52 AM Reply   
What's the best way to spend your wedding budget? Figure the budget, 25% to the wedding, 75% to the honeymoon. As soon as she gets to your honeymoon destination I guarantee she will understand that this was the right call. I only spent 4k or so on my wedding and I think 1500 was on booze. Went balls to the wall on the honey moon and my wife and I do not regret it at all.

what I remember from my wedding, standing there with my wife doing the vows, my best friend giving the toast and the first dance. Fancy invites, menus, table settings, flowers all have no bearing on the important stuff.
Old    Nauti 210 (brett33)      Join Date: Apr 2011       06-27-2012, 11:56 AM Reply   
Alan Plotz- you sir, have a keeper!
Old    Nick Tomsyck (sidekicknicholas)      Join Date: Mar 2007       06-27-2012, 12:21 PM Reply   
Quote:
Nick - isn't your soon to be the pagent girl who is going to Miss America?
That is me.... She ended up getting 2nd place at Miss Wisconsin, so she won't be competing at Miss America unless something happens to the girl who won (who does happen to have some major surgery coming up and her talent was dance....so there is a chance she may not recover in time).

Her getting 2nd basically kick started the wedding... had she won, we would be postponing this for a year.

Honestly I probably made her out to seem more insane than she really is.... as far as keeping a budget she is very open to doing a lot of the work herself to save money.... and I've got some pretty good connections for food/booze for reception which should save a lot.... her biggest problem is the guests and being able to say "No". Fortunately for all the guys I am inviting a vast majority of her invites are past pageant winners.... so there should be loads of pretty ladies at the wedding for them.... and I was cruising through her list today and did see the current Miss America is on the list, which surprised me (figured she wouldn't want upstaging competition at the wedding).

Bottom line is I want a fun wedding, not spending all night shaking hands with people I don't know (as someone mentioned)..... just fun, thats it. If I could have two things it would be fun and different than all the others. Everyone I know around here gets married in the same fashion, honestly you can't tell one from the other and to me that is so lame..... If people (including myself) left the wedding and the next day went, "Holy **** that was like no wedding I've ever seen" I will have done my job.


@Ian, I'm exactly in the same boat as you... I would love to spend a few grand in Vegas for a long weekend with close family and friends keeping things reasonable.... then off on the most amazing honeymoon/adventure the world has ever seen..... and still have money left over to put towards the house.
Old    Scott R (ScottR)      Join Date: Aug 2011       06-28-2012, 8:46 AM Reply   
What's it take to get an open WW invite....? Married with 4 kids, but damn I can look and drink free beer!! Nick, you will be fine....but just talk to her like you do to us. She most likely will be much more receptive to what you want than you think. Keep us posted man!
Old    Nick Tomsyck (sidekicknicholas)      Join Date: Mar 2007       06-28-2012, 12:15 PM Reply   
Quote:
What's it take to get an open WW invite....?
I thought about having people send me their names to add to my list and make it get outrageous like her's was is/was.... and when she asks who these people are I would use her line, "Just a lot of friends who have been influential to me..."

Last night was another attempt at planning only to have it end up with her being unhappy... more about how big we're going with this and when I told her the only people I 100% actually neeeeed at this wedding would be my parents, grandmother, brother, and best friend.... giving them +1 I could have my guest list to 10 people and be happy.

I can totally understand why she feels she needs people close to her there, I get it, although I disagree, I get it..... she just cannot wrap her head around the fact I see the wedding is something for her and I, not a dog-n-pony show for everyone we know; she just can't seem to comprehend how I view the wedding as something for us which is something I can't comprehend and now we're both confused.


I'm still going to push for a Vegas wedding - looking up prices, you can a really nice ceremony in vegas plus all the bells and whistles (more than I need or want) for like 5k, that leaves a lot of money for a honeymoon, house, party when we get home, and/or anything you can spend money on.


back to my first post:
http://i.imgur.com/Or0uT.jpg
Old    David Langston (rdlangston13)      Join Date: Feb 2011       06-28-2012, 6:26 PM Reply   
she competes in pageants... her whole life has been a dog n pony show
Old    Steve - O (misteve)      Join Date: Aug 2007       06-28-2012, 10:27 PM Reply   
Nick

I got married almost a month ago so I have it fresh in my mind;

First off I HIGHLY recommend some form of pre-marriage counselling. It will greatly help with communication and understanding where each other are coming from. The style we did was imago, http://gettingtheloveyouwant.com/art...ction-to-imago Planning a wedding and getting to know a woman's family will definitely let you know if you actually want to marry them.

When we first started wedding planning we had very different ideas of what we wanted and what is important to us. We started by writing down the things that are the most important to us in the wedding (food, # of guests, location etc..) and why, that gave us somewhere to start and to empathize with what each other really want. It also gives you opportunities to cut unnecessary things.

It was stressful for us both leading up to it, but I think that's pretty normal. You are bringing 2 families together that are completely different and trying to please yourselves along with others. As soon as the date got close though and we realized we were going to be able to make our budget we had an amazing time. We did a Maui wedding FYI, with 30 guests.

Also, I don't think throwing out the 50/50 statistic would ever be a good idea to tell a woman. I understand your frustration but I'm not at all surprised that didn't go well.

Oh and our families paid for about 75% of our wedding and honeymoon and I covered the rest. If they wouldn't have helped I have no idea what we would've done... Here's a pic, we just got the disc with our photos today!
Attached Images
  
Old    Adam Curtis (acurtis_ttu)      Join Date: May 2004       06-29-2012, 6:30 AM Reply   
One last thing...the one thing I feel you should spend a little extra on is the pictures...hire the best you can afford.

and a tip...some guys are better at it than others, but if your gonna wear a suit/tux...make sure it fits. spend a few hundred to get it tailored ( those pictures are gonna last forever).

http://www.gq.com/style/style-manual...ng-fit#slide=1
Old    Nick Tomsyck (sidekicknicholas)      Join Date: Mar 2007       06-29-2012, 10:44 AM Reply   
Quote:
she competes in pageants... her whole life has been a dog n pony show
Ain't that the truth.

Thanks Steve and Adam - lots of good advice in the posts.
- I think this weekend we'll take the approach of making a list of "Important items" .... that is a great idea to keep **** on track.

- I know for the guys dress I would much prefer to find something we like/matches our colors and take the guys to a store and buy suits (express or somewhere cheaper).... as a groomsman I would much rather spend $200 +/- on a jacket/pants for something I can keep than $130 +/- on a rental.... but that is just me.

Looking at some reception venues this weekend (unfortunately none in Vegas)....


I think I'll try and get her drunk or delirious tired and sign something giving me full control of the wedding.
Old    Scott R (ScottR)      Join Date: Aug 2011       06-29-2012, 11:15 AM Reply   
Last line = priceless

You will be fine Nick. We have all been through it. While going through it can be down right no fun before you blink you will have 15 years under your belt and 4 kids taking up your set time behind the boat. Enjoy the stress and agravation this time in your life gives you, as you get older sometimes you will wish planning a wedding was the worst of your day!

Last edited by ScottR; 06-29-2012 at 11:16 AM. Reason: gr
Old    Scott R (ScottR)      Join Date: Aug 2011       06-29-2012, 11:17 AM Reply   
Oh and they are correct....the MOST IMPORTANT thing in a wedding in reality is the guy taking the pictures. That is the ONLY thing that lasts throughout the years. Even the memories fade fast of that day and night. The photos you have will last a lifetime. Get someone GOOD!

Last edited by ScottR; 06-29-2012 at 11:18 AM. Reason: gr
Old    J D (jeff_mn)      Join Date: Jul 2009       06-29-2012, 11:23 AM Reply   
LOL.

Mine started out just like yours.. We were going to make decisions together, be responsible, etc.. That lasted about 2 weeks.. Then she took over..

It cost about $45k and we had 350 people show up.. It was the best wedding ever and we've been married happily as can be for 5 years. She's a great wife.. Let her have her day. If she's the "Miss America" type - I can assure you she didn't grow up day dreaming of her drive thru wedding in vegas.. She puts up with your wakeboarding and your car hopping, etc etc..

Just let this one ride.. As long as it doesn't put you into huge debt - let it go. If someone else wants to foot part of the bill - let them. Dont' be Mr Independent and Mr. Grown - let people help (they want to) and let her have it her way (she wants it)..

Not worth the fight. Dont' go into big debt over it - but dont fret man. Marriage is awesome - let her do her thing.
Old    Bryce (brycejb328)      Join Date: Aug 2009       06-29-2012, 4:04 PM Reply   
Don't make your bro's go to one of those co-ed wedding showers... not cool.
Old    Tucker McElroy (Tucker_McElroy)      Join Date: Mar 2012       06-29-2012, 6:23 PM Reply   
$45K?? That's halfway to a nice cabin in the mountains...
Old    GD (diamonddad)      Join Date: Mar 2010       06-30-2012, 11:21 AM Reply   
$45K for one day that becomes a blur! Do you realize how long it takes to save $45K after taxes? Nuts.

My advice -- set a financial limit and let her go to town -- it's her day -- just say yes during the day provided she says yes at night.
Old    WakeboardSTL (jmuthafnp)      Join Date: Feb 2006       07-02-2012, 6:23 AM Reply   
She sounds like a high maintenance PIA. Dump her and go riding. You will be better off in the long run.
Old    Nick Tomsyck (sidekicknicholas)      Join Date: Mar 2007       07-02-2012, 8:00 AM Reply   
Looks like we may have found a reception location - which allows us to find booze where ever we would like - which is awesome since my aunt/uncle own a bar meaning I can get everything through them reaaaal cheap.

Photographer might be done too... my ol' friend Bess Marine seems to be available and does AWESOME WORK (see me wakeworld profile picture she took from when I lived in FL).

So the first two weeks of this all were awful, but I now since I've made some "VETO" cards, I gave us each 5 of them, we can use them to stop the other person's idea instantly, no questions asked.... they're pretty awesome.... and she has agreed to start putting money towards this deal... I said the only way I will continue to chip money in is by matching whatever she puts forward 2-to-1.... and I also said I am not responsible for buying her dress. Sounds like the Vegas bachelor party is a 100% go as well.... not as good as the wedding, but I'll make it work.


As little fun as the planning has been thus far, it could be worse.... I could be WakeboardSTL, a lonely old spinster.
Old    LR3w8kbrdr            07-02-2012, 6:13 PM Reply   
Sounds like you're making progress! Good to hear
Old    Nick Schrein (wakeboardern1)      Join Date: Aug 2007       07-03-2012, 7:26 AM Reply   
Old    Tracktor (tracktor)      Join Date: Sep 2005       07-03-2012, 11:44 AM Reply   
Here is a thought - I don't like going to weddings and I am willing to bet most people would agree with me. I don't care who you are unless you are my kid I really don't have any interest being at your wedding. It's a bit presumptive to ask 450 people, most of whom you barely know, to take time out of their lives just for you....................................Big weddings usually end in big divorces.............
Old    Brett W (brettw)      Join Date: Jul 2007       07-03-2012, 12:52 PM Reply   
Most of the weddings I've gone to have been big parties and a lot of fun. I don't mind at all. Just keep the ceremony short and sweet.
Old    LR3w8kbrdr            07-03-2012, 1:15 PM Reply   
I know for one thing...my buddies + alcohol + me...I wouldnt want to go to vegas for my bachelor party. I almost got married in a walkthrough chapel back in college days to some random girl there when i was wasted. Was told I went to spearmint rhino & I dont remember a damn thing.
Old    Nick Tomsyck (sidekicknicholas)      Join Date: Mar 2007       07-03-2012, 2:40 PM Reply   
Quote:
Here is a thought - I don't like going to weddings and I am willing to bet most people would agree with me.
Who doesn't like going to weddings ?!
Quote:
ost of the weddings I've gone to have been big parties and a lot of fun.
This exactly.... going to and hosting are becoming very different things very quickly.
Old    Shawndoggy (shawndoggy)      Join Date: Nov 2009       07-03-2012, 2:44 PM Reply   
The wedding is for the invitees not the couple. That's why they can be fun to go to as guests, but not so fun as the couple.

You're going to have to go say hello to each of those 450 people while your friends are whooping it up on your bar tab.
Old    Nick Tomsyck (sidekicknicholas)      Join Date: Mar 2007       07-19-2012, 6:32 AM Reply   
Well last night we had a break through!!!!

I met her and her father for lunch (which happens about once a month so I didn't think anything of it)..... during lunch he random says, "Oh, while I've got you here without Sandy around (his Wife - my fiance's step-mom) .... I'm going to help with the following parts of the wedding:
Church
Reception - venue, food, booze, music, decorations, etc etc
Honeymoon
.... but try and keep it on the down low from Sandy"

BINGO!
.... this helps put me at ease big time knowing I don't have to foot 100% of the bill. Sounds like all I'm really going to have to pay for now is a few random things here and there.

Certainly makes saying yes to things I use to find fairly stupid and wasteful a lot easier.... but I'm still going to try and keep him from having to write insane checks by trying to slow her roll a bit.
Old    Scott R (ScottR)      Join Date: Aug 2011       07-19-2012, 7:09 AM Reply   
I am sure that was music to your ears.....awesome man.

Still waiting on my invite! Or a WW invite in general....HA
Old    Andrea Ensminger (parkgirl)      Join Date: Nov 2001       07-19-2012, 7:31 AM Reply   
"My biggest advise. Nobody cares about what colors you used. What was on the table, and so on....Only your bride does but getting her to realize that would be like god making an actual apperance. The only thing that gets remembered about at a wedding is the food and that so and so got so hammered and made a fool of themselves or something like that. If you're in a time of your life where all of your friend's are getting married as well it all turns in to one big blur anyway"

Dave nailed it! And I'm a chick!!! hahaha

I went by a simple invite rule: If I thought I would know them in 10 years they got an invite. Convince her to save the money on extra guests and spend more on a high end photographer. You cant get the day back if your photographer sucks!
Old    Scott R (ScottR)      Join Date: Aug 2011       07-19-2012, 7:56 AM Reply   
+1 on the Photographer
Old    Forrest (wazzy)      Join Date: Nov 2001       07-19-2012, 9:59 AM Reply   
UGH... not reading through all of this above..... We got married in Estes Park, CO. We invited all of our immediate family & some select friends (i.e. ones that lived out that way & ones that already showed interest in traveling out to CO for our wedding). Turns out we had about 15 people show in CO & our ceremony was only 17 mins long (perfect length). Day went great & with what we had budgeted, WE ended up paying for a nice dinner for everyone that traveled to CO. Then we had a reception back in IL a few weeks later, was less stressful & nice to break up the wedding & reception on diff days.
Old    Joe Lo (JoLo_Si)      Join Date: Oct 2011       07-19-2012, 11:18 AM Reply   
Just keep thinking about throwing a huge party and pick what you (I mean "she") like and you'll do fine.

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