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Old    Jeff C (greenbass86)      Join Date: May 2010       08-21-2010, 3:37 PM Reply   
yeah so i recently learned today that my ex was considering getting back with me but she found out that while we were broken up and we still are, that I had an affair with a married girl, and now she doesn't believe that she can be with me because that shows my belief on marriage, any one know how I might be able to fix something like this?
any suggestions would really help, i really want to her back.
Old    puckhead (jcollinge)      Join Date: Apr 2004       08-21-2010, 4:31 PM Reply   
This is usually when I ask myself "What would Lon do?"....
Old    Seahawks #1 Fan Robert T (cwb4me)      Join Date: Apr 2010       08-21-2010, 4:46 PM Reply   
you have proved you have no respect for marriage. i don't know how to undo that only time may heal that wound.but i wouldn't count on it.
Old    Big D (bigdtx)      Join Date: Feb 2005       08-21-2010, 5:08 PM Reply   
If she's busting your balls now just think how bad it'll be when she has them back in her purse. Move on - you'll be way happier.
Old    andy zarlengo (colorider)      Join Date: Jun 2001       08-21-2010, 7:43 PM Reply   
I would pass her a note during 3rd period. Make sure the teachers don't catch you.
Old    J.B. O'Neill (gnarslayer)      Join Date: Sep 2008       08-21-2010, 7:46 PM Reply   
niceee hahaha find a new chick
Old    Barry Waste (barry)      Join Date: Apr 2002       08-21-2010, 10:17 PM Reply   
Stop messing with married women would be my suggestion.
Old    Ozark King (onthewatermo)      Join Date: Jan 2008       08-21-2010, 10:22 PM Reply   
Offering the other side: it wasn't Jeff who was married...that sounds more like a "person who was married and cheated" problem than a "Jeff" problem.
Old    Jeff C (greenbass86)      Join Date: May 2010       08-21-2010, 11:10 PM Reply   
i am an ass and she is right to hate me
Old    Seahawks #1 Fan Robert T (cwb4me)      Join Date: Apr 2010       08-22-2010, 6:21 AM Reply   
Quote:
Originally Posted by onthewatermo View Post
Offering the other side: it wasn't Jeff who was married...that sounds more like a "person who was married and cheated" problem than a "Jeff" problem.
yeah take up for jeff it wasn't his fault. the women who he knew was married made him cheat. how could he be at fault? it can't take two to tango it's all her fault.why didn't i see that earlier?
Old    Matt Laird (Matt)      Join Date: Mar 2010       08-22-2010, 6:58 AM Reply   
Try & date one of her friends, that will make her jelious... It always works... If not, atleast you will have a new girlfriend WIN WIN situation...
Old    Jeff C (greenbass86)      Join Date: May 2010       08-22-2010, 7:26 AM Reply   
it was my fault I should have known better, it most certainly does take two to tango and I will accept the consequences of my actions, but if there is a way to at least save my friendship with the only person that makes me happy then I am all ears, even if we don't end up together I just don't want her out of my life
Old    Jeremy (wake77)      Join Date: Jan 2009       08-22-2010, 8:15 AM Reply   
Dude, you're are sad right now, but you are holding yourself back. If you two get back together, do you think she'll ever fully trust you? 99% chance the answer is no. So that means every time you two aren't together, you'll have a lot of answering to do and no girl is worth that. My advice is to move on and make no effort to communicate with her, you have to sever the ties. You effed up, but life goes on, so don't dwell in the past. And you'll know next time not to get with married women.
Old    Nick B (iridelow1998)      Join Date: Jun 2006       08-22-2010, 8:52 AM Reply   
Just think about the reasons that she's your ex. That should solve all your problems. When things get comfortable again the same issues will probably show up.
Old    alan plotz (alanp)      Join Date: Apr 2001       08-22-2010, 9:33 AM Reply   
there are plenty of chicks that can make you happy. you didnt have an affair. the married woman did. dont be hard on yourself. heal up move on. you dont wanna be with a chick thats acting this ridiculous. youll be a miserable bastard.
Old    Jonathan (TheSarge)      Join Date: Apr 2010       08-22-2010, 10:03 AM Reply   
So did anyone ask WHY she is your EX in the 1st place at 24 years old? How long were you married? How long dating?

Lovin the passin the note in 3rd period comment, PURE genius.
Old     (athleticmale)      Join Date: Aug 2010       08-22-2010, 11:38 AM Reply   
Give up, get over it, move on.......relationships are difficult and you already found out the hard way that she is not the one for you. If she is not interested or has problems with you and what you have done, thank her for being honest and having good common sense. Why try to have a relationship that is doomed from the start, it is like starting a road trip by draining the oil out of your car. You know it will fail in a short period of time. Even if she was crawling on the floor begging you to get back with her you probably should leave it the way it is.

You can never go back to what was, you can only go forward. If you want to try it again with her it would have to be a new relationship, not a resurrection of the old one. With out getting into character judgments and moral issues I think you also need to take a good look at yourself and determine if you are ready for a relationship.
Old    Phantom (phantom5815)      Join Date: Jul 2002       08-22-2010, 2:33 PM Reply   
There will always be doubt in her mind. Why would you want to live the rest of your life defending your every move if you were to get back with your Ex?
In her mind you will always be a "dog", so why bother. Either she will understand that and still be your friend or nag you for the rest of your life.
The choice is yours.

BTW - yes I'm a chick.
Old    E Double U (three6ty)      Join Date: Feb 2004       08-22-2010, 2:51 PM Reply   
When you see your ex next time- Ask her to give you your Balls back!!!

Move on. There is a huge bowl of Fish out there!! go find a new fish
Old    Flight007 (poser007)      Join Date: Nov 2004       08-22-2010, 4:11 PM Reply   
Is she your X as in you already are divorced? Or are you just separated? I hate divorce, IMO if the marriage is salvageable and you both are wiling to work on it then it's worth the effort, especially if there are kids involved. Obviously you are separated for a reason, so if you guys aren't willing to go to counseling and work out your original and new problems then go your separate ways. On the flip side, if you both want to work on it, and still have love for one another, then go to counseling, do the things you need to do to show her you really do love her. When a guy cheats on his wife, it is nearly impossible to get that trust back, but in time it can happen. Just don't screw up because this time her antennas will be up in full force, and if you step on her heart again not only will she kick you to the curb faster then you can say Wake to Wake but the next guy she ends up with is gonna be put through hell. My last couple girl friends were all cheated on, both of them were caught going through my cell looking at my text messages and I can tell you that doesn't work for me, so quit cheating on your women because were creating an army or chicks with baggage.
Old    Barry Waste (barry)      Join Date: Apr 2002       08-22-2010, 7:56 PM Reply   
Quote:
you didnt have an affair. the married woman did.
Are you serious? I mean, I know he didn't technically have an affair because he's not married.. but, you word it as if he did nothing wrong and it's the married womans problem.
Old    Clayton191 (clayton191)      Join Date: Apr 2006       08-22-2010, 8:54 PM Reply   
This doesnt sound like a healthy relationship - I'd move along, find a nice single girl and start fresh. This is my advice - per someone who has watched friends try to rebuild marriages / relationships after something like this has happened. TRUST is key. Sorry if the advice sucks.....
Old    Kyle Linsey (kyle_L)      Join Date: Mar 2010       08-23-2010, 3:48 AM Reply   
you are 24 bro (according to your profile), just go out and play the field. if you are meant to get back together you will, if not, then you won't.
Old    C.I.E..... Evan (guido)      Join Date: Jul 2002       08-23-2010, 10:14 AM Reply   
Treat her like crap.... She'll come back. The worse you treat her the quicker she'll be blowing up your phone. If she doesn't, then clearly it wasn't meant to be.
Old    alan plotz (alanp)      Join Date: Apr 2001       08-23-2010, 12:27 PM Reply   
he didnt cheat. he banged a married woman while they were "broken up", not seperated. which would lead me to believe this ex is just a gf.

this guy made no vows, the woman did. if she doesnt want to respect her marriage thats for her to deal with not this dude. is it a faux pas, or taboo? yes. is this dude morally deficient? no

and to answer your original question jeff, if you want to reconcile, apologize and hope for the best. but as previously stated, sprint away from your ex imo.
Old    Baitkiller (baitkiller)      Join Date: Jan 2010       08-23-2010, 12:35 PM Reply   
Take the gift that was given you. Next time she'll take half of your stuff.
Old    Barry Waste (barry)      Join Date: Apr 2002       08-23-2010, 1:52 PM Reply   
Quote:
this guy made no vows, the woman did. if she doesnt want to respect her marriage thats for her to deal with not this dude. is it a faux pas, or taboo? yes. is this dude morally deficient? no
You can't be serious. I don't even know how to respond to someone who believes that sleeping with a married individual is a social faux pas, but morally okay. You really don't see a morality issue, Alan?
Old    alan plotz (alanp)      Join Date: Apr 2001       08-23-2010, 2:22 PM Reply   
barry we will just have to agree to disagree.

i dont think he lacks character(morals) however in our society what he did is taboo(i personally have no problem with it). can you have someone commit a social faux pas but still remain morally sound. yes. for a very simple example urinating in public, further, what about the people that fall in love with a cousin. social faux pas, yup. morally unsound, no. imo.
Old     (athleticmale)      Join Date: Aug 2010       08-23-2010, 8:13 PM Reply   
Alan you are f'd in the head wrong. It is wrong, period, and your personal opinion means nothing. You sleep with my wife, I give you my word that I will kill you!
Old    Jeremy (wake77)      Join Date: Jan 2009       08-23-2010, 8:30 PM Reply   
^And then you go to jail and some other dude will be banging your wife. It takes two to tango.
Old    Barry Waste (barry)      Join Date: Apr 2002       08-23-2010, 10:10 PM Reply   
Athleticmale,

Was that necessary? We're just having a discussion... on a discussion board. Everything's okay!

Alan, I suppose we will. I really am having a difficult time understanding how you don't see it as morally corrupt. If not for the sake of refusing to be a tool that breaks up a family.. how about because you respect yourself too much to be a vehicle for deceit- even more importantly deceit that causes so much pain and devastation. To suggest that it's not your problem, or they'll cheat with someone else is an attempt to selfishly justify your willingness to be destructive because you're not affected. It shows basic lack of human compassion on the most basic level.
Old    alan plotz (alanp)      Join Date: Apr 2001       08-24-2010, 7:09 AM Reply   
athleticmale. youre absolutely correct. its just my opinion. im not out to sleep with your wife or anyone elses for that matter. if my wife was sleeping with another guy(yes im married) my issue with be with her not the guy. the guy that sleeps with my wife didnt break up my marriage, myself and or my wife did.

barry i dont suffer from naivete i do think your p.o.v. is the mainstream paradigm. i just dont share that view
.
i think this is where we disagree--> i feel that the if woman is ready to sleep with someone the marriage is already over. do you share that opinion?

i dont think sleeping with a married woman shows a lack of human compassion on a basic level. rape, robbery murder come to mind, those are intrinsic wrongs.

your examples bank on notion that the husband finds out about the affair, or perhaps i misinterpreted your post. if youre being deceitful then the very definition of that word means to conceal from truth alas no pain or devastation would be caused.

anyway i gotta go purchase some fortifications in the event athleticmale decides to go john lee malvo.
Old    John Anderson (fly135)      Join Date: Jun 2004       08-24-2010, 8:00 AM Reply   
Quote:
Originally Posted by athleticmale View Post
You sleep with my wife, I give you my word that I will kill you!
IMO, this shows a total disrespect for yourself that you would destroy your own life for a woman who cheated on you. Maybe you were just having a Jerry Springer moment.
Old     (fatsac)      Join Date: Jun 2004       08-24-2010, 9:34 AM Reply   
Dude, you didn't lose your chick. You lost your turn.
Old    Shane (shane97210)      Join Date: Jan 2007       08-24-2010, 9:49 AM Reply   
^^^^exactly !!
Old    Small Light (stephan)      Join Date: Nov 2002       08-24-2010, 11:13 AM Reply   
As my man slut of a friend always says, "just because there is a goalie, doesn't mean you can't score".

Jeff, take this gift and run with it. If your lady is playing head games with you now, it will only get worse. Trust us all, it gets easier and the right chick is out there, you will find her.
Old    Trace (trace)      Join Date: Feb 2002       08-24-2010, 11:19 AM Reply   
I agree with Alan - the marriage has already failed if one partner is having an affair. I would blame myself / my partner, and unless it was a friend of mine, I couldn't care less who the other party was.

Back on topic, to me that just sounds like a convenient excuse not to get back with the OP, with a handy bonus of some guilt to take home with him. Classic manipulation tactics IMO.

Last edited by trace; 08-24-2010 at 11:22 AM.
Old    Paul (psudy)      Join Date: Dec 2003       08-24-2010, 12:26 PM Reply   
You should post pics of her in the boobs for ballast section to show her how much you care.
Old    Strib (baldboarder)      Join Date: Aug 2002       08-24-2010, 5:41 PM Reply   
I like Matt's suggestion!
Old    Barry Waste (barry)      Join Date: Apr 2002       08-24-2010, 9:39 PM Reply   
Quote:
Classic manipulation tactics IMO.
Has to be manipulation tactics because nobody could possibly respect a marital commitment..
Old    Austin Smith (austinsmith)      Join Date: Aug 2010       08-25-2010, 5:56 AM Reply   
Quote:
Originally Posted by greenbass86 View Post
yeah so i recently learned today that my ex was considering getting back with me but she found out that while we were broken up and we still are, that I had an affair with a married girl, and now she doesn't believe that she can be with me because that shows my belief on marriage, any one know how I might be able to fix something like this?
any suggestions would really help, i really want to her back.
It is good that you both want to get together. My personal advice is that you should look for some online source which may provide you suitable ideas and suggestions. I hope you get your ex-girlfriend back.. Best Wishes.
Old    Jeff C (greenbass86)      Join Date: May 2010       08-29-2010, 9:39 AM Reply   
wow i didn't know this would bring up so much of a debate between others. Thanks for the advise and opinions. I'm only an active member on one other forum and I can't post stuff like this there because it is my job, and I felt I needed opinions of people who did not know me or her in any way, so I appreciate all the input guys and gals.
Old    Adam Curtis (acurtis_ttu)      Join Date: May 2004       08-30-2010, 12:29 PM Reply   
My advice, if you really think she's worth it be completely honest.....full disclosure of everything you do for a while. give her reasons to trust you. you would be on "her" schedule as far as when she decides to move past things and start to rebuild. It wont' be easy but it's possible. dont' ever play the victim. Listen to what she tells you about how she feels....google active listening. Put as much effort into making the relationship work as humanly possible and expect nothing in return for a while. She will be the only one who can decide if she will be able to forgive you. In the early stages, dont' argue with her....she'll bring up all the things you have ever done wrong....women can rember crazy s*it from years ago. the best thing to do for now, is just agrree with it , and accept it. Trying to argue will only come off as making excuses for your behaviors or smoke screening. Lastly, do all this......and wait......give it a few months or possible longer. If you make it that far and she still hasnt' come around. Stop everything and let her know how you feel. Let her know you both have to make choices to be happy, and your choice is to let her be happy by letting her go. Give her some time.........now all she will be able to think about is what an amazing person you have been and can be for the last xxx number of months.....not the a-hole she thought you were.
Old    Newty (newty)      Join Date: May 2005       08-30-2010, 3:59 PM Reply   
Dude your 24 move on. 24!!! lots of life to live, GO FISHING!
Old    Andy Graham (ottog1979)      Join Date: Apr 2007       08-30-2010, 5:03 PM Reply   
This is really very simple. Would a woman who loves you, cares for you and wants to be with you (shortcomings & all - we all have them) torture you with all these perceived hurdles she is now putting up in front of you? Is she trying to understand you and what happened to you when you were not together or just using the situation to whip you? Why would you want to be with a woman who does this to you? If she was really caring she would either go through the process of trying to understand or decide that it is a non-starter for her tell you and go her own way allowing you to go your own.

People who really care for others, whether they can be with them or not, don't use the others' shortcomings to punish them.
Old    jwag (jwag)      Join Date: Apr 2002       09-01-2010, 4:27 PM Reply   
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHt5nxGSyaE
Old    Manzo (zo1)      Join Date: Aug 2002       09-01-2010, 7:07 PM Reply   
Funny thread.... If you don't think that sleeping with a married person does not reflect your views about the importance of marital fidelity you're a fool.
Old    Barry Waste (barry)      Join Date: Apr 2002       09-01-2010, 10:38 PM Reply   
Quote:
People who really care for others, whether they can be with them or not, don't use the others' shortcomings to punish them.
Interesting perspective! When I misbehaved as a child my father would punish me and I'm pretty certain he loves me. I would think in this case she's protecting herself and I see nothing wrong with that. We can only judge the future by the past and if his past actions suggest he doesn't respect marriage then I think it's reasonable to be skeptical of future actions pertaining to marriage.


Greenbase, I'm sorry , I'm really not trying to beat you up, but the conversation is interesting/insightful. Don't take it personally. I hope you get your gal and you love a long happy/married life.
Old    Andy Graham (ottog1979)      Join Date: Apr 2007       09-02-2010, 9:08 AM Reply   
Quote:
When I misbehaved as a child my father would punish me and I'm pretty certain he loves me.
Big difference between a parent/child relationship (unequal in power) and spouse/romantic relationship (hopefully a partnership of equals). Besides, a parent is responsible for much more than loving a child - they must raise them. Do you want your romantic partner to "raise" you?
Old    Barry Waste (barry)      Join Date: Apr 2002       09-02-2010, 11:10 AM Reply   
You separated that statement from the paragraph leading me to believe you were being general. I responded based on how it read.


I don't think she's being unreasonable at all. He made a bad choice that ultimately could affect the future of the relationship.

Quote:
This is really very simple. Would a woman who loves you, cares for you and wants to be with you (shortcomings & all - we all have them) torture you with all these perceived hurdles she is now putting up in front of you
let me fix that for you:

This is really simple, would a woman who respects herself, her word, the relationship and you, want to risk a potential emotional and financial nightmare considering your past suggests the binding marital contract has little or no value to you?

I don't know what you mean by 'perceived hurdles she is now putting in from of you'..He's responsible for his actions and you cannot suggest that she's being unfair for taking those past actions into consideration.
Old    Andy Graham (ottog1979)      Join Date: Apr 2007       09-02-2010, 11:33 AM Reply   
Barry, we're on the same page I think. The OP does not provide enough information.

Quote:
would a woman who respects herself, her word, the relationship and you, want to risk a potential emotional and financial nightmare considering your past suggests the binding marital contract has little or no value to you?
I don't think this is unreasonable either if she's decided and communicated this, and moved on.

However, if she has remains engaged with him debating the issue of what he did and belief in marriage, that's another story. Knowing what he wants, that's punishing after making her own decision on the matter. The OP states
Quote:
now she doesn't believe that she can be with me because that shows my belief on marriage
. We don't know whether she just stated that or is engaging him with that.

Either way, it appears on face that she can't live with his mistake. It's done. Him cajoling her is not respecting her belief/decision either. He should leave her be. That might be the only hope in the possibility that she changes her mind about him.

Relationship therapy on a wakeboard discussion board has it's limitations.
Old    Wes (pesos)      Join Date: Oct 2001       09-02-2010, 11:41 AM Reply   
Generally speaking I agree with Barry and Manzo. I hooked up with an ex once when she was in a relationship. Granted the relationship was ending/basically over and things were "complicated" (they always are) but I still felt scummy about it - was it worth not waiting until things with them were cleanly over and done with? Nope.

That being said, OP you are super young. Learn from your mistake (if you consider it a mistake) and move on; no need to be hung up on this girl at your age - go have some fun.
Old    David (colombiansurfer)      Join Date: Sep 2008       09-09-2010, 12:37 PM Reply   
Bring the two girls over and have a threesome! Best of both worlds.
Old    Cade Osborne (kruiserkat)      Join Date: May 2010       09-10-2010, 12:50 PM Reply   
LOL, Dr. Wakeboard says, WTF are you doing asking complete strangers on a forum for advice?

1. Do you have a job?
2. Do you have a truck/car?
3. Do you have a boat?
4. Is your Pe-is an inny or an outty?

If you answered yes to any of the 3 questions, you have a pretty good shot at getting another chick, maybe even another married one.

If you answered outty to question 4 then your chances are even better, but if you said inny then go out on your boat that you towed to the lake with your truck that you filled up with gas and beer which you bought with the money that provided by your job and keep you dick in your pants.
Old    Clayton Saidler (csaidler)      Join Date: Aug 2010       09-10-2010, 1:00 PM Reply   
^^^^^^^^ pow! Pow!
Old    Mattgettel (mattgettel)      Join Date: Jan 2009       09-10-2010, 1:02 PM Reply   
at least find the married chic for one more good time.
Old    Ben W (bennn)      Join Date: Jun 2010       09-10-2010, 1:28 PM Reply   
You need to get past that because no ass is worth thinking that much about... I always say.
Old    np3 (ponder86)      Join Date: Mar 2008       09-10-2010, 2:09 PM Reply   
hahahahaha nice....you know when you're squeezing her breast and it feels like...a bag of sand...
Old    Miguel (migs)      Join Date: Aug 2006       09-10-2010, 2:13 PM Reply   
there are a gazzillion other better women out there. Bounce!!!!

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