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Old     (jon4pres)      Join Date: May 2004       02-21-2010, 3:54 PM Reply   
Me and my wife separated(nothing legal yet). We agreed to share our child equally by switching every week. She wants me to pay for half of her daycare expense. My mother is currently watching her when I have her so I have no childcare expense. Should I pay for half of her daycare expense or should she pays for daycare when she is with her and I take care of the daycare when she is with me by having my mother do it?

I would appreciate some references if you know of any or if any of you have been in a similar situation to share advice.

Old     (fly135)      Join Date: Jun 2004       02-21-2010, 6:06 PM Reply   
Pay half.
Old     (phantom5815)      Join Date: Jul 2002       02-22-2010, 3:52 AM Reply   
Pay half.
Never argue with an ex when it comes to helping pay childcare costs. It will bite you in the long run.
Old     (deuce)      Join Date: Mar 2002       02-22-2010, 5:55 AM Reply   
Pay half....
Old     (zo1)      Join Date: Aug 2002       02-22-2010, 6:32 AM Reply   
Is this something that you see being resolved in the future? If so, it makes no sense to not pay half. if not, talk to a lawyer before you do anything.
Old     (trace)      Join Date: Feb 2002       02-22-2010, 6:44 AM Reply   
You should pay half. Since you're paying anyway (and assuming it's not 30 mi from your house or something), IMO you should keep the kid at the daycare instead of using your mom on your weeks. Kids thrive in routines and don't need to be bounced around any more than absolutely necessary.
Old     (jon4pres)      Join Date: May 2004       02-22-2010, 7:18 AM Reply   
My wife move 2 hors away so if I want to keep her during the week she is going to get bounced around.

This is a crappy deal that I hope will get resolved but am not sure about anything right now.

Sounds like everyone says pay.
Old     (dabell)      Join Date: Apr 2007       02-22-2010, 8:26 AM Reply   
Being divorced and paying child support here in CA, if she takes you to court, you will have to pay her half of the child care. If you had child care, she would have to pay you half. Since your child stays with your mother, you do not have any child care expenses.

Honest, being civil to your spouse now will reduce the amount of stress you both have when/if you legally separate. You child will be much happier with life if things are calm, relaxed, and you focus on the child.
Old     (lizzyb)      Join Date: Sep 2005       02-22-2010, 12:35 PM Reply   
I'm really sorry to hear that Jon. Definitely pay half. It's easier for everyone if you can both remain civil and friendly.
Old     (kenv)      Join Date: May 2002       02-22-2010, 12:43 PM Reply   
I'm going through the same pain right now.
Elizabeth, easier said than done sometimes, but great words to adhere by if you can. It's hard to be friendly to someone who you've know so long and they rip your heart out and then step on it.
Old     (02wakesettervlx)      Join Date: Jun 2001       02-22-2010, 12:50 PM Reply   
I am in the same boat, and here's my advice for what it's worth. Do what you have to in order to work it out for your child's sake. If the relationship isn't detrimental to your child that is. There is absolutely nothing that will fill the void that is left in not seeing your child everyday.
Old     (lizzyb)      Join Date: Sep 2005       02-22-2010, 4:24 PM Reply   
Definitely easier said than done.. but it is possible. :-)
Old     (jon4pres)      Join Date: May 2004       02-22-2010, 8:18 PM Reply   
My wife has done a lot of things that I am not very happy about but the one thing that I am very thrilled about is her willingness to do what is right for our child. As much as I want to cuss about everything else I thank her for at least doing that for me.

I am sorry to you guys who are in the same situation. This really does suck.

I am trying to do everything that I can to work this out. I have offered to do anything and everything to try and make it work but she left and has to decide that she wants to be with me for it to ever have a chance. Unfortunatly, right now she will not do that.

(Message edited by jon4pres on February 22, 2010)
Old     (dcwillette)      Join Date: Sep 2005       02-22-2010, 9:08 PM Reply   
I would be a little strategic about this. Here's the way I think you should handle it... have her agree that you two "will split the total child care expenses" not that "you will pay half of her child care expenses". Try to establish this as a policy and support it so that if and when you divorce, she won't want to change it.

Since you are not paying any at this time, you two only have her child care expenses and the cost is the same either way; in effect you're paying half of her's. However, lets say that your agreement states that you "will pay half of her's", and you demonstrate the ability to do so, and then one day you have to start to paying your own child care expenses. Now you're paying 100% of your child care expenses and 50% of her's. To change it will incur legal cost and hassle. It's better that you both split the total cost no matter how much each child care center charges. The day may come when you're paying child care in your area and she does not require child care in her area. You will want her to pay half of your expenses. Try to build a habit of cooperation and shared responsibility.

Approach it from the standpoint that you are not the enemy and are trying to be fair. That splitting total cost 50/50 is the fairest way to do it. If she refuses to do so it may give you an indication of how she plans to handle financial negotiations in the future


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