From a fellow beginner who, unlike you, is also a slow learner, here are a few tips. To get up, keep your body tucked up as tightly as you can, with your arms extended. Stay completely tucked up until the board is planing on top of the water. During this time you need to keep your eyes on the wakeboard tower. Hang on with all your strength. For the first few attempts, it may almost require a burst of adrenaline to avoid letting go of the rope.
It is okay if the board goes underwater momentarily, as long as your toe edge remains inclined upwards. As long as you remain tightly tucked up, the board will do what it is supposed to do.
Once the board is out of the water, you should count to five while staying fully tucked up. The reason I say this is that most beginners try to stand up too soon and right away, they either catch the toe edge of the board and fall face first, or they get the board vertical in the water and cannot hang on because they are plowing water.
After you have counted to five, you only have to do two more things, and it does not matter too much which one you do first. After you have gotten up successfully a few times, you will probably subconsciously do both in one fluid motion. You will want to shift the handle from directly in front of you toward the right or left end of the board. This will orient the board in line with the rope. Most people are more comfortable riding with their left leg forward, although a substantial minority, like myself, are goofy, and ride with their right foot forward.
The other thing that you will need to do is to cautiously stand up. Once you are standing up, you will want to assume a posture that will keep you on your feet. This means different things to different people, but essentially, you will have your knees bent, your lead hip forward, your shoulders back, your back straight, the handle of the rope right at and no higher than your lead hip, and your eyes up, either on the tower, or on the horizon.
Your body will tend to lean in the direction that you are looking, so if you look down, you will tend to lean over and you will catch the edge of your board and do a face plant.
Keep most of your weight on your lead foot; if you place too much weight on your trailing foot, the board will be skidding out from under you. On the other hand, if you put too much weight on your lead foot, you will catch the lead edge and face plant.
When it comes time to start crossing the wake, you will need to edge into it, instead of approaching the wake with your board flat. If you are crossing it heelside, your heels need to be down; if you are crossing the wake toeside, your toes need to be down. If the board is flat, you will either bounce back away from the wake, or you will catch an edge and face plant.
With respect to realistic goals for the first few times, your goal should be to have a good time. Some beginners get up on their first try. On the other hand, I once saw a guy who never got up on the first day. A few cross the wake the first time they are up. A few get some pop off the wake on the first day. Others start riding switch on the first day. In my case, it took a lot of tries before I successfully got up. Then it took several days before I could cross the wake. That was because my posture was, and still often is, incorrect.
This should give you enough to work on for the first day, or two, at least. In the mean time, just get out there and enjoy yourself.