Should I Just Quit?

First off be forewarned there's a few negative subjects in this.
It's weird three years ago I started wakeboarding and it became a passion of mine, and it's still something I want to do but, everytime I go out now I end up having a terrible time and usualy end up and tears. (I'm a crybaby I know)

I guess what started it was that I got really mentaly sick, social anxiety and severe depression. Well that led me to compulsive eating and now I'm a overweight.

My family bought a wakeboard boat last summer that was pretty much bought so I could wakeboard. It ended up that the only time the boat hits the water is when my older brother takes it out with his friends. It's almost like it's his boat even though my mother paid for it.

So the only way I can really go out in the boat is with him and his friends, and if I can even bring myself to face my anxiety and go out with them I'm to body consciense to actually go out. Last summer I went with him and his friends and they actually laughed at me when I stripped down to my bathing suit, that's really the only time I've actually gone out in the water. If your a girl, the bigger you are, the more worthless you are.

I don't know I just can't get past this, I don't want to go with a boat full of eight strangers, it's my mothers boat not his, shouldn't I have the right to use it as well? Right now I feel like I just want to quit stop wakeboarding for good, but I still want to do it, because it was something that was fun for me, and I have very little of that in my life. Anyone have any advice on what I should do?

Wakebording (or the lack thereof) is not the problem.

I highly recommend some mental health counseling. It sounds like you have some issues that are affecting your quality of life. You owe it to yourself to seek help.

Sorry - I guess I didn't answer the question: NO! Don't quit!

"If your a girl, the bigger you are, the more worthless you are." That's just not true, Linda. If you truly believe that, though, it won't be hard to reinforce that self-destructive opinion.

I don't know you, obviously, but I'm a bit worried about you based on your first post here on WW.

I think you should have a talk with your mom and your brother.In my boat it is about having fun,not making fun of other people.If any of my friends gets to personal,or really hassles someone,they get checked!I wouldn't let any of my friends hassle my sisters.

How old are you? Have you talked with your mother about this?

I agree w/Swass.

Also, you seem to recognise a couple of your issues, well, do something about them. Only you can change your life. The best advice in the world will not do you any good until you reach the point where you do something positive about it.

"Get past this..." All I can say is start somewhere and start improving your own life. Take baby steps ( yeah, I know, tired old adage ). If you are having these problems and over thinking them, then you may not be a fun person to be around. Then you quit getting invited, then you get more depressed, then you get less fun to be around, and get invited less... ...

Get my drift there? What ever problems you face cna escalate if you do not try to do something positive yourself.

I am no professional by any means, but I do know you have to make the effort and take the first steps. You're self concious about being over weight? Well, guess what? You have to reduce your intake right? You know that. Perhaps start one week giving up ice cream. Or morning snacks, or after noon snacks. You don't have to go on a crash diet - baby steps yeah?

AND - don't expect miracles. Things like you have going on take time to work through. Do not expect to say... I'm over my mental problems! and them BAM! You're over them. That won't happen.

Good luck to you. Stiffen up your spine and start working towards positive things.

Take small steps and start taking pride in things you do. That may help as a start...

I think you need to follow swass' advice and seek some professional help. The longer you allow your anxiety/depression to control you the harder it will be to face the issues. When it comes to wakeboarding with your brother, he should know some of the issues you have going and should be defending you from his friends. Tell him you need him to back you up so you can feel comfortable. You should definately be able to feel comfortable but you will need a group of people to ride with. Try and establish some contacts with local riders, they are always willing to help someone out. Also look into the Girls Ride clinics and things like that. They will give you nothing but love. Good luck, keep your chin up and just remind the boys that you are too much woman for them to handle!

Screw Your brothers friends If they want to make fun of you because you put on a few pound. In a few years when their hairlines recede, remind them how if feels to be picked on. I love the sport and it is a great way to get exersize, so my adivise is to stick with it and find some girl friends who respect you and go boarding with them.

This will get a bit religious...

Your worth is not based upon anybody's opinion of you. That includes you. Your worth is based upon God's gift of your soul and His love for you. It is hard to feel when you are laughed at or feel fat, but it is the ultimate reality. None of us can really perceive ourselves as God sees us on this earth. The people that get close to this we typically define as "spiritual."

Many of us have similar problems - mine was epilepsy and the resulting lack of coordination due to side effects of the medication. My belief in Christ was the only thing that got me through the very difficult times during Junior High and High School.

Tap into an evangelical church near you. Some of the larger ones have a support group and counseling program for times like these.

Also, talk to your parents. I know it is hard. But they love you very much and want the best for you. Again, this is all hard, but they are an important source of strength for these times.

Finally, get some other friends to ride with. Stay with it. Join the INT and ride with them. No one will trash-talk you there. At least not in West MI where I run the show.

Boy, you're not kidding, Karl!

Perhaps what he said has some meaning for you. In either case, I won't pollute your thread with my retort.

Don't quit. All the above advice is great advice. Especially the ones about wakeboarding is great exercise for the body and for the mind (helps with body image issues also).

You can always try to find a female crew in your area to join. If you post here on wakeworld, I bet you would be able to create your own female crew for the boat. You and your brother could take turns going out then....although if you have an all female crew, I can see the guys wanting to come out.

Here is a female wakeboarding network you might want to join, even for encouragement they are great....
http://sports.groups.yahoo.com/group/ladyboarders/

Good Luck.

First off listen to Swass...he's a smart feller.

Second, as a woman and a professional, I can tell you this...if wakeboarding felt good to you at one time then stick with it. With all the issues surrounding you, you need to have something positive in your life. Body image issues are more common than you think. So if you enjoy wakeboarding, then go out with shorts over your suit until you are comfortable without it, many of us do for the exact same reason. Because you seem to have some great insight into your problems, that tells me that you have been through some type of treatment. My advice is to stick with it. There is nothing wrong with seeking help from a professional. It is hard to have a positive outlook when you are faced with so much self doubt, but again you need to try to have at least one thing in your life that makes you happy, so if wakeboarding is it, ask your parents to take you out, I am sure that they would be willing to if they knew it would make you happy. The worst thing you can do when you are faced with depression is hold your feelings inside. There are so many options just find whats right for you.

Linda, I am so sorry to hear about your situation. The good news is that you will overcome this problem. You are suffering from social enxiety and depression which is a common problem. YOU NEED TO SEE YOUR DOCTOR and explain everything that is going on and everything you are feeling. I too suffered from this and overcame it.. Well, I suffered for months and finally gave in and saw a doc. I was fine one week then it all hit me like a ton of bricks. I thought I was going crazy. It actually runs in my family. I will not go into the chemical structure of your brain, but there are many medications that fix the problem. Trust me, it works. What Melissa said above is right on track too. She knows me and can vouch for the effectiveness of modern day medicine. I no longer have the anxiety problems, and am back to my normal social self. I have to say that seeing a doc changed my life. Good luck and feel free to email me with any questions. I have gone to many seminars and workshops on the subject to learn more about it in the past few years.

Linda, it really bothers me to hear what you are going through. Everyone here as given great and intelligent advice, but I'm going to step on the non-intelligent side and say if YOUR own brother and his friends make fun of like that they need their tails handed to them. I think this really needs to be discussed with your mother. Your brother should stick up for you not join in or start the foolishness. Everything has been said here what needs to be said. The most beautful thing is one's personality. Good Luck Linda!

How about finding some girl friends and tell mom you want to take your friends out on the boat. If you can, have mom or dad just take you guys(girls) out and leave bro at the house or at least if you go with him he will have to leave half of the laughing crew at the house and you will have your support crew. They will be less likely to laugh in the other girls presence because then you guys can gang up on them and maybe find a few things to make fun of them?? Payback is a beotch.

(Message edited by bob on June 01, 2004)

NEVER QUIT!!!

That is not the answer to ANY question. What everyone is posting is correct, but the real meaning behind it all is that people care about your well being. Pull strength from others. Find people who can be possitive influences in your life and pull from their possitive energy. If you surround yourself with people who are negative and only tear you down, eventually you will quit. And I don't mean wakeboarding, I mean you will quit on yourself.

Get counceling, get involved with possitive people, tell yourself everyday what you like about yourself. Hold onto possitive thoughts and fight! Fight against all these negative thoughts about yourself. Fight for your life as you are the only one who can change it.

You will pull through, don't stop. I will welcome anyone on my boat and will never laugh at anyone because of their body or they're wakeboarding skills. Those guys have some serious issuses, I would suggest maybe just going out with a bunch of your friends, or try and go out once a week with just your family or somthing If you wanna chat IM me anytime

Linda, never give up what you love. I feel your pain, when I first started people made fun of me all the time, actually on occasion I still get some odd looks, but you can't let them hold you back from hav'n fun and do'n what you love. Just remember that you're an incredible person, whether you realize it or not, and any person that doesn't take the time or have the decency to respect that is not worth your time or energy. Look at every chance you get to go out behind the boat as a chance to improve your riding, have fun, and show those snotty boys just what you're made of. Once you get out behind the boat its nothing but you, your board, and the water. Enjoy it. Don't let them get to you, I know, its easier said than done. I'll be honest, I'm super overweight too, some things you can do so that you don't feel so self conscious about it is go out and buy some guys board shorts that are super long (not to mention super comfy) and a rashguard. Then its like you're wearing a t-shirt and shorts 'cept you look more sporty. Plus crashes don't hurt as much and it keeps you warmer. Get out there and have some fun and if you ever need a pull or just someone to chat with either on the phone or on AIM let me know. Feel free to e-mail me or IM me anytime at wakegurl17@aol.com . Be strong, you can defenitly pull through this. Just have faith in yourself and whether you realize it or not you have a lot to offer. You have gifts and talents that you're spirit is freeing delve into those and turn to your friends for a shoulder to lean on. Or just come chill with us here on wakeworld, we love have'n ya! Rock on Linda, good luck and most importantly... have fun!

oh, and if you post your location I'm sure there will be plenty of people in your area that would be willing to ride with you or give you a pull or... beat up your brother's friends... (j/k violence is never the answer)

Linda, please follow my good friend Andrew's advice. Talk to your mom, and get some professional help. I'm glad you posted here and received all this excellent advice, but we're just a bunch of anonymous wakeboard-addicts. You need to see a professional. Call you doctor and make an appointment, and then spill everything. She will get you headed in the right direction.

I'm overweight due to health problems and also take medicine for depression. I love to board and it makes me feel great!!! The best thing you can do is keep doing what you love for YOU! Find a supportive crew to go ride with and tear it up!!

Yeah what they said.

I'm fat, I'm balding but at least my back is very hairy.

Don't give up on the things that make you happy. The people making the jokes are really the ones with the bad self image. They use you to make themselves feel better. Don't let them win.

If you are ever in southern CA and want to ride let me know. You are welcome on my boat.

Linda,

Big brothers can be cruel, I know, because I had one. Hopefully one day yours will grow up, but for now, surround yourself with people who are positive and who you are comfortable with. Don't waste your time hanging around those who bring you down. Talk to your parents and make them understand what's really going on. Often parents can be in denial about what's really going on and/or sometimes they don't realize the emotional impact it has on you. Don't quit wakeboarding if it makes you happy. Definitely get some professional help, it can make a world of difference. Move forward, don't quit. Be strong:-)

live life, forget your brothers...worrying only makes it worse. just go out and do what you have fun doing--wakeboarding

I have a very good friend who sounds just like you and she is beautiful. And no she's not one of those super skinny girls that always says they're fat, but she actually suffers from depression. Try going to the doctor about it. It's helped her and definitley don't quit wakeboarding. Take that feeling of everyone laughing at you and use it as your fuel to get better one the board and show them up!

Wakeboarding, as with any activity that you can take to heart and really love and enjoy doing, might just put a positive spin on what seems to be a bleak adolescence for you. I would get some of your friends together and take the boat out with just your Parents and your friends, minus the brother. He can have his boat time and you yours. I'm sure many people at your school would love a day out on the boat. Ask your parents when you can go out, then wrangle some friends up or ask some people you don't know all that well and make some new friends. I can't tell you how many new friends I've made wakeboarding. Anyways, good luck to you and if you are ever in San Diego you are always welcome out on our boat

"First off listen to Swass...he's a smart feller." ---

"I'm fat, I'm balding but at least my back is very hairy." --- Chris Neelley

Those are some funny statements above.

Linda, Believe me when I tell you this, DO NOT QUIT, if wakeboarding makes you happy then it's a good thing. Besides, You got everyone to agree on something, and that very rarely happens on Wakeworld.

Good luck to you.

Linda, you've had some great advice here are have most definately taken a huge step in admitting and accepting you have specific problems. Well done for that! You've got lots of support on here so stay strong and face your problems head on and most of all don't let it get you down too much. Good luck

Linda, if you read this, you just got some really good advice from some really cool people. Don't give up wakeboarding, its amazing what the sport can give you and the nice peope you meet. Besides what has been written above. My advice would be to get a couple girlfriends take the boat out (leave your bro and his obviously immature friends at home) and just have fun for a day, forget about everything and relax.

This is just a question to ponder. John O critisizes for certain posts to WW, about wakeboarding, yet check out his picture....Wakeboarding in a swimming pool??? Don't see a boat or even a tow line??? I would venture to say John O doesn't really know anything about wakeboarding, probably has never even been behind or in a boat. Hey wait a minute, John you don't happen to be one of her brothers friends do you? Moral here, Don't critsize what you dont understand. Linda, you'll just have to keep practicing, that way you can laugh at the guys when they can't board as well as you. Trust me they will feel stupid, its all in the male ego.

John is no longer part of this discussion!

Alright first off I didn't read all the above... way too much reading... But for you Linda I say..... QUIT?!!! What in the heck are you thinking?!!! Wakeboarding is the greatest thing ever invented and by the simple fact that you choose to intrest yourself in it and associate yourself around it that makes you one of the greatest people ever invented(yes I know that word doesn't fit there but it rolled too well to be gramatically correct).... Anyways you've just got some straight up •••••••• around you it seems and honestly... screw 'em!! Get some of your own friends and ride with them. If your ever near Destin Florida you can ride with me.. you've got the e-mail address on my profile. Peace out!
P.S. NO NO NO NO NO NO....Wakeboarding is your friend!!!!!!!

wow, so many people responded to this. Thanks for being so supportive everyone, it helped alot to put everything in perspective. I'm always told that I'm overeacting when I have any type of response to my brothers comments and his stuck-up friends, it's nice to know that not everyone has a bad attitude when they're out in the boat.

Anyway I'm trying to talk my mom into taking me and two friends out tommorrow, she's skips out on me alot so I'm keeping my fingers crossed but hopefully that will turn out well.

Linda
You need to keep riding, it's an enjoyment you need. Let's call it therapy......
Guy's are scum........but deep down inside your brother still has a soft heart for you, if you talk with him and express your feelings about your appearance he just might be understanding and if not wack him over the head with your wakeboard. Ask him if he would take you and YOUR friends out for a ride, you might find out he's ok after all.

Good luck

My suggestion....put down the wakeboard and find the chess board. If you do not even have the character to go out there and ride in front of older siblings and his friend then there is no way you will ever get the courage to go inverted (or go outside the wake for that matter.) I do not like how everyone is "sugar coating" the situation for you, strap on a pair and get your butt out there and ride.

Dill

Geez Dill, it's not about how big you can go or even what you can do, it's about how much fun you have doing it.

CAN I GET AN AMEN BROTHA...... PRAISE THE LORD I CAN SEE I CAN SEE I CAN SEE!

My mom copted out on me again and said I can't go, figures. I'll just have to keep trying.

Anyway I'd like to an invert again because I've yet to see anyone do one other than the pro's and a retired pro I got to meet a few years back. Well my brothers tried a backflip, but nobody can seem to get enough air yet. It's kinda funny to watch, it looks more like he's trying to do a backwards cartwheel (sorry I don't what a gymnist would call that) over the wake.

Dill your right, I should just say f*** it and go. Trust me I've been trying to do that for two years now. But I just have to say that I hope everything with you is alright, because it seems like you hold a little to much anger for your own good.

Hey Linda,
I didn't read all the posts so I may ask a question that has already been answered; But where do you live? If you are anywhere in Nor Cal
You can ride with us. My wife and 1 year old baby ride aboout three time a week here at the Delta. Plan a trip if you don't live around here and ride with us, there is always a seat on my boat for you.

Linda, quoting your first post of "" First off be forewarned there's a few negative subjects in this.
It's weird three years ago I started wakeboarding and it became a passion of mine, and it's still something I want to do but, everytime I go out now I end up having a terrible time and usualy end up and tears. (I'm a crybaby I know)

I guess what started it was that I got really mentaly sick, social anxiety and severe depression. Well that led me to compulsive eating and now I'm a overweight. ""

There is an underlying situation you need to address. The overeating, crying, sadness and lack of enthusiasm about things you enjoy,and anxiety are big signs of depression and you should really see your doc before it gets worse. It is nothing to be ashamed of, embarrased of, or something to just keep inside. Without help it WILL only get worse and trust me, you don't want it to. }

(Message edited by colorider on June 02, 2004)

(Message edited by colorider on June 02, 2004)

See a Doctor, Get on Paxil , Forget about your Brothers friends and go out and ride, and they will respect you for riding and trying. If your brother doesnt stick up for let him have it. As the old saying goes "blood is thicker than water". And as another saying goes "what comes around goes around" And that will certainly be the case for your brother and his friends. As someone who works in the Pharmaceutical industry I can attest to the miracle of what some of these drugs do for people. esp. Paxil. I have seen major transformations in people when they are properly treated. Definatly see a Therapist and sort out the real issues in your life not just not being comfortable wakeboarding in front of your brothers friends. Sorry if this sounds harsh but sugarcoating it wont help you . And if you are ever in So Cal and need a pull I will take you out on a private lake and you can wakeboard to your hearts delight.
Good Luck

where you at Linda?

Hey wasn't Linda Evans the name of the actress who played Wonder Woman??

Seriously, find some help to deal with the other issues, and there is no reason why you shouldn't continue to ride.

Why isn't your mom able to take you and a few female friends out for your own time. There may be something there that we aren't hearing and I would be concerned about passing judgement, but perhaps your brother and his friends are the same type if disrespectful punks that hang out on my lake/lakes...so "F" them. Maybe they haven't heard of karma, but I absolutley believe that one day they will experience it and will not be smart enough to realize it.

Good luck Linda,

Eric

Come down to AZ...I will give you a free ride

I have no idea on the wonder woman thing.

My brothers 21 so he gets to take out all of his friends without my mom there, so I think she doesn't like taking me because it means she's stuck driving the boat most of the day. I was going to take my cousin, whom I'm really close with and a few of his friends, but she said no, because there minors and she would be held legally responsible and she doesn't want to pay the extra gas money for other people. (when I asked if she'd take them if they paid she said they're to young [15-16] to be making an income to help pay)

I honestly think that my mom likes to play favorites between me and my brother, and he's it, that might just be me being negative though.

I don't know, I don't think it's going to be possible to go riding with my brother though, I've only heard him say negative things about me for a long time now, and I can't wait until I turn eighteen and can move out to get away from him, because his comments are "just his personality" but I don't want to be around that s***.

sounds like you need to have someone rough up your brother and his friends a little. Your brother will need something from you in the futrue and I hope you will remember the way he is treating you, and then you can tell him to F*** Off. Like I said before. What goes around comes around.

I've got a friend that "has alot of farm land, favor for a friend, 50 bucks" so lets make a few phone calls

just ride, wear headphones around him or something, when your riding, atleast me anyway, I don't notice anything but riding, not your appearance, not the cold air or water, just feel the flow, boarding is awesome, a good workout and good relief of stress.

give him a ringed fist in the face and see what happens... just blame it on the time of the month haha

take it easy and ride

- Duane

well said Duane...on the wakeboarding part...

i really understand where you're coming from, since i used to be the most popular target among the bullies, getting smacked around on a daily basis for 4 years (i still "blame" my parents for sending me to a boarding school).

i felt pretty useless among them and this feeling has somehow shadowed me till the day i started learning wakeboarding. then a whole new perspective. it doesn't what your size is, you can still have fun and land some sick tricks with enough practice. you'd feel the sense of accomplishment rushing in as you learn more and more various tricks.

you should consider yourself to be fortunate, as out here in Hong Kong, not many people own inboard wakeboard boats, and so we'd have to pay by the hour (about US$100 per hour) to get pulled and lessons!

if i were you, i'd go and ask mom for the spare keys to the boat and just take it out for a cruise with your friends on the day your bro plans to wakeboard. after a few times, you just might see the unusual sight of a boy crying.

whatever you do, don't give up something you think is fun! life is too short - look at the positives and have fun!